Friday, July 27, 2007

Keep On With Your Bad Self

Woke up this morning on a mission. Today I'm gonna look bad ashed. Slip into shower and shave all visible hairy surfaces ( sorry crap, the stache had to go).

Out of the shower into the grooming zone. I need extra time here. Mascara, eyeliner, base, powder and even,dare I tell you, shiny, kick ash lip color. Style my hair into a spiky, funky 80's do. Spray hub's aerosol deodorant all over pitt area- I deserve it- don't I?

Clothing: forgo the usual jean shorts & tie dye t-shirt combo. I need an edge here.
Black city shorts and tank. Top with groovy, olive, crinkly type shirt. Add rockin shark's tooth necklace and silly little sequined flip flops. Spike the hair some more.

Looking groomed,looking like a bad ash on a mission, looking good. Oh yeah

Ready to go on the mission.

No car keys--what?!!! I have to have my sweet ride take me on my mission. Search frantically, scour the garage, dig through the dog food- no keys but there's another toad--do they even eat dog food?

Hair do falls into a boring house wife do because of drizzling, this is Texas- rains every day.

Panic. Call hubs, screech into phone.... he's coming to bring me his spare.

I can still pull off this bad ash mission. Regroup

Spike the hair, check the mirror, yeah I wouldn't mess with that bad ash, stuck in the 80's crazy chick.

Drive. Exit car.

Throw open door of business, all eyes stare ( two people are present). Who is this bad ash?
"Can we help you?"

I'm here to pick up my party stuff.( such eloquent use of language- thanks)

"oh, didn't recognize you without my glasses" UH_HUH- I know its cause I'm looking groomed,confident and bad ashed. I turn to give a better view of my spiked hair.

"Oh, here it is, we liked it we just can't do it right now..yadda yadda yadda"

UH_HUH,what about the photos I sent?

"Here they are yadda yadda yadda"

Right, I don't want to leave you thinking I was trying to get free 'product' from you.

"Oh, no yadda yadda yadda"

Okay, that's fine but I want to pay for the 'product'. ( you see, I have granite counter tops)

" Oh, no yadda yadda yadda"

I thrust an envelope at them, they try to return it, I counter thrust and leave. Still looking edgy and in control, baby!

Return home. Don jean shorts and tie dye. Look in mirror.

Smile.

15 comments:

B said...

B-b-b-bad to the bone! Let's see a pic of your "bad girl" image!
Luv the attitude.
:) Brenda

mom2princess said...

Woohoo! You are bad Ashed! I need to do that every once and a while! ;)

Lauren said...

You are so hard core! Look at you and your bad self...

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Wow. I wouldn't have the first clue about how to bad ash myself. I'm still stuck in jumper land.

Fun mental images. :)

Radioactive Jam said...

Can we start calling you Texas as in "Don't mess with..."?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I haven't looked Bad Ash since Ash Sunday. :(

Email me, jean knee!
elasticwaistbandlady@yahoo.com

Jean Knee said...

b. did your cat make it home yet? I hope so

m2p, Lauren, millie- bad ashed is a realative term, for me it might only meam dressed and shirt on right side out- or does it?

RAJ- that's right don't mess with me, especially if you are in the children;s party business, cause I'm mean

elastic- aol says we owe 25 buckaroos and won't let me log on, the commie mustards, after i get it fixed (paid-I'll have to donate blood again, 3 times this month)I'll email you. do ya won't me to delete the message with your email on it in case the commie AOL guys or weirdos see it?

Kimberly said...

Oh, I so want to cheer right now. Rock on!

Got my yummy good mail. I don't have a speck of chocolate in the house and I needed it soooo bad. Beaucoup bonus points for you!

Annie said...

Go on with your bad self!

B said...

Jeannie,
Thanks for your words of comfort about my kitty. It's been 4 days and she still hasn't shown. Our first cat that we had for 17 years was also a gift from my hubby, and when we had to put her down about 10 years ago, I cried for days and days. I'm still holding out hope that Baby will return. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.
:) Brenda

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I ain't afraid of no SPAM.

Sing that to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme song, and we could have a smash hit on our hands, jean knee.

Besides, I happen to be verrrryyy interested in discount pharmaceuticals and uncliamed inheritance money from Nigeria.

B said...

Jeannie,
Me again. Hey, I was wondering how you got that J on your sidebar? Is it a photo or did you learn how to edit html? I really want to change my header to a customized look, but can't figure out how to do it. Lemme know, okay? Thanks, Brenda

mcewen said...

Drizzle in Texas! Doesn't sound that much different from England! [yes 20 days of holiday was more than enough with the floods, wind, rain] So I nipped back here to home sweet home!

As for the fashion - I'm always angling for a few tips myself. What would you choose to best accessorize with the egg yellow Marigold gloves?

Now excuse me I need to go and clean up something on the floor that exactly matches the Marigold gloves!
Cheers

Jean Knee said...

mcewen- chocolate covered, I mean chocolate colored khaki pants with a peanut butter covered, i mean colored shirt. Or you can always go with white and bye the end of the day you will look psychedelic.
Get some tie dyed t shirts, they are great mommie camoflauge.

No Cool Story said...

Are polka dots bad ashed?
Yeah, I didn't think so.