Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Asswipes of America, Lend Me Your Rears

If you've watched TV at all this week (except for you Brian) you have noticed it is green week. Many shows have an ecological propaganda-ish slant. Go green. On Thursday night environmental prophet, Father Al Gore, will be in the line up just like last year. I, like the next person, totally support going green and protecting our environment just as long as it takes no effort or money on my part. Go green!

To celebrate I am introducing you to a new green product: re-useable asswipes (in rainbow colors) yea! Just look at these darling things. Economical and very small and portable. EXCEPT.....what do you do with them after you wipe your ass? I guess you could keep a decorated asswipe can next to your toilet bowl like the diaper pails of old. That could work but what to do on the job? You could carry a ziploc bag in your pocket to keep used asswipes in. But, dang, ziplocks are BAD, they choke ducks or something. And gack what if you dug for change to add to the parking meter and instead you whipped out a bag of used asswipes. uhm, eww And really is there enough bleach anywhere to make you feel they are properly clean?

These might be a bad idea. Let's see what the creator of re-useable asswipes has to say about them. Why use my asswipes:

Great. I am sooo very glad to have this new product. While you're on the link why not check out re-useable tampons with a wet bag. ew

Friday, November 13, 2009

Just the Other Day: A Story Of Horror

Just the other day I was outside playing with my dogs when I noticed a humongous fuzzy caterpillar crawling on the ground. I had to act quick before Polka Dot slurped it up. I ran and got a jar, stuck him in and put a piece of paper over the opening so it couldn't get out. I was going to show Lean when she got out of school and I imagined we'd let it crawl all over enjoying its antics. "Look at him crawl!" "He's so big!" " Oh my gawwwwwwwwwwsh he's just so cute"

But dang, I forgot all about him until the next day. Uh oh, what if he's dead? The Horror!

But he wasn't dead, he had spun his chrysalis around himself inside the jar. Now we could watch him hatch out and see his first flight. It was gonna be so great!

Lean loved seeing him all cocooned up and so we just waited.

Last night I gathered up all the dirty glasses and ran the dishwasher cuz I'm all clean and organized like that. This morning I went to get Lean a clean glass and dear me I saw I had put the jar with the caterpillar in it through the dishwasher. Say it isn't so. It's so. He went through the entire cycle. The good thing is I didn't have it on disinfect or heated dry so he could possibly be okay. You think?

I hope PETA doesn't get wind of this.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Veteran's Day

I check my watch. As usual I'll have to hustle if I'm going to get there on time.
Great, the road's blocked off and the next road is one way. I'll have to take Austin Avenue downtown.

Okay, now look, I'm stuck behind a police car, flashing its lights and moving turtle slow. I fall back to keep a good distance between me and the law. He's moving even slower now if that is even possible. I check my watch. Huff a sigh, fall further back, keep putting along.

I notice a group of older women joyfully waving at me. I wave back. Across the street now a man with three boys all wave and yell as I drive by. Again I wave, these people all must know the wavin guy. I see still more groups waving and brandishing flags... DUH It's Veteran's Day.

I am in the Veteran's Day Parade. Not only in it, but leading it. The police cruiser is clearing the street for the parade to follow. Yikes!
I keep waving, everyone is so enthusiastic. I'm not a veteran, so maybe I shouldn't wave.

Wait a minute, my husband is a veteran. My father and grandfather are both veterans.
I used to march in the Veteran's Day Parade during high school, representing our flag corps. This celebration includes everyone, because everyone, in thousands of known and unknown ways, has been touched by a veteran.

I have as much right as anyone else to wave in this parade. I have this right because soldiers, both present and past, have served to endow me and every person here this right.

No, I won't allow this opportunity to pass me by. I putter and wave and don't once check the time.

I'm late picking Lean up from pre-school. I grab her hand and we run down Austin Ave. We become part of the crowd and now I'm an onlooker, waving, smiling, and honoring.