Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

This Atrocity Against Mankind Can Happen to You Too; Even if You are a Bad Ashe

Can you smell it? Mmm mmmmmmmmmm Can you hear it dripping into the pot? pitter pat slosh slog pat pitpittt Do you want some? Me too. There is nothing better than a hot, fresh delicious cup of coffee to start your day. We have a timer on our coffee maker 4000 so it is brewed and ready when we rise in the a.m.

Simple pleasures like this make life sparkle. I start my morning with sparkle and simple coffee pleasure every single day.

Except today. No coffee. No sparkle.. No simple pleasure for me. I need a moment.............................................................................................................................................................................................................

My fun squashing health minded physician Dr. Grim has made coffee forbidden.

Again Johnny,....FORBIDDEN!!!!!!!!!

I may not make it through this day, but I leave you with these delightful images.

This can and does happen to millions of people every day. Where is the humanity??
(special words of comfort go out to Andy, you poor man you)

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Be Back Soon

Just some stuff:

1. Ted still hasn't answered my email which means we're good

2.I still haven't written Evelyn

3. I found better pictures of Mr.Edless' gory neck stump

4. Lean and I got burned, in the literal sense- we are wounded, at a party

5. MIL and nephew coming tomorrow (MIL still in Chicago so she may be snowed in )

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008


I was at Melissa's blog yesterday, she has a very cool family activity with photos and garland. Then I saw she had a whitepages something or other link you can use to find people. I immediately had to use it so I put my first roommate from college's name in there and guess what? I found her. Evelyn. My first ever roommate.

I was a dumb transfer student coming in and she was a senior in her last year going out. Remember I grew up in a small town in Texas population 400. She was a Houston debutante. Of course I'm all sophisticated and well spoken now, but there was a time when calling me a bumpkin would have been a compliment.I don't know how she could stand me but she did.

Evelyn was smart and beautiful and, most of all, stylish. She had style while the rest of us were stuck in the trends of the eighties. I wanted to look like her, dress like her; even just sitting near her was enough. No, we weren't very much alike but somehow we became friends anyway. We had a lot of fun that year. One of her friends even warned me that "Evelyn does not like room mates". She could be very kick ass when she needed to be. She could put someone in their place without ever demeaning herself. She should have ripped me to shreds but she didn't.

In short, I loved that girl.(in a totally non gay way, Dan!) She kind of took me under her wing and dragged me along with her. I needed a lot of dragging.

You may have guessed that things didn't end well. Towards the end of the school year Evelyn and I starting bickering over little, stupid things. If I had been mature enough to look outside myself I would have seen that Evelyn was anxious about getting a job, getting married, just getting a life in general.

Our last fight was a good one. I have no idea how it started or ended. I do know at one point during our screaming she threw a hard plastic cup at my head and it bounced off like I was rubber girl. I was so furious I didn't even feel it. And then: I pushed her into the sink.
Not our finest hour but at least we didn't scratch or pull each other's hair.

She graduated, I had my summer at home. The End. Not quite. One day Evelyn showed up and once again we were giggling roommates. She didn't just run off into the sunset like I might have done, she came to drag me along like always.
She lived in the area and we saw each other on the weekends and had adventures just the same.

Eventually she moved back to Houston, I moved home and began my first year of teaching. We wrote letters until one day I just didn't write back. I have no idea why, I guess we were just going our separate ways.

So see it wasn't a bad ending really, just the way things go in life. Only now I have her address and her mother's phone number. I don't know if I should call her, send her a postcard, or just look through college photos and do nothing.

I wish she were here to drag me along.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Ted Nugent II

You know how I like to beat a dead horse, right? Well some of you are doubters. You don't think that was really Ted Nugent in line behind me at Drug emporium. Or you might think I made it up. Let's get something straight, I never make up my blog posts. I know it seems like an inordinate amount of interesting things happen to me. They just do, I can't explain it.

I guess I should tell you Ted lives only about ten miles away from me. It is hunting season and his dogs undoubtedly love milk bones. And yes that was absolutely Ted Nugent behind me at Drug Emporium. You can't really get him mixed up with anyone else. Not even here in Podunk Texas.

So I emailed Ted with a link to my post about him and what did I find? He has a free email which he won't answer and one you can pay $30.00 to subscribe to and he will answer. I used the free one and since he hasn't commented I know for sure he got it. That man is a freaking genius. So now, for a limited time only you can subscribe for $20.00 per year to my blog and I will personally answer all your comments. That's a ten dollar savings over Ted.

Now that's a bargain.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Secret Santa Sucks

So my gift is for a very interesting uh, "guy?" Nooter the dog.
Well Nooter I noticed this on your blog

So many males feel this very same way, plus in these hard economic times condoms can be expensive. Therefore I have the perfect gift for you:

Apparently you wind a rubber band firmly around your testicles and in a few weeks they will fall off. Then bingo, no more need for condoms. Awesome Huh? And there's plenty left over for your friends. ENJOY

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wednesday with Words

I hate shopping. Especially this time of year. People pushing, grabbing, generally just being in the way. Hate it. I'm a hater.
So yesterday I had been shopping awhile (after supervising a field trip where there was a sub instead of the real teacher) and was finally calling it quits at Drug Emporium. I was purchasing Christmas candy and a box of almond roca cookies which I gorged on, reeling in my shame later on the way home.

In the middle of my transaction two boxes of milk bones were placed on the counter in my space.In my space, during my transaction. Normally I wouldn't think a thing about it but I had shopper's rage so I just stood there and didn't move. Just like when the
old lady tried to push me. Yeah, I'm not movin. Finally I look at the person encroaching on my counter space. Oh gack!!! The poor guy has his hands entirely full of those beef jerky treats individually wrapped and some other stuff. Remorse hit me at once, I scooted over and said to put his stuff down. I looked again and it was rock legend Ted Nugent dressed in camouflage and a kewl hat. Oh the horror!! I had just dissed Ned Nugent. I hear he's a nice guy, outspoken of course but a genuinely nice guy. I said sorry I was in a daze buh buh buh (shopper's rage is like being in a daze isn't it?). What if he had been an old man with a cane with just a tentative grip on his depends and denture adhesive? He could have fallen over or something. Thankfully it was a strong guy. Whewww!

I'm sorry Ted. How horribly rude of me. I will now look when someone is behind me and will now only bull headedly not move if it is a teenager plugged into his i-pod while simultaneously text messaging and taking a picture of my "puckered in disdain pursed lips expression" to send over teh internets with a caption like "What? You swallow those horse pill vitamins? I thought they were suppositories. Dang".

Live and Learn