Friday, February 29, 2008

Two Things Before I Do Something Else

1. As I rounded a bend this a.m. a dog ran out in front of my car and when I slammed on the brakes I yelled DUMB ASS!! there were no witnesses so you'll just have to take my word for it. ironically enough I was on my way to Allstate to have the car damage estimate, glad I didn't have rover wedged into the front grill--would have looked bad for my case

2. GE is a liar. LIAR. Drew emailed a complaint about our microwave breaking in less than three years to GE's friendly complaint dept. They said oh how awful we'll send a repairman to fix it on Friday for $75.00. Outrageous I know, could have gotten a new one yada ya. But Father Al thinks we should repair what we have instead of throwing it out to clog our land fills and kill polar bears. I agreed.

When the repairmen got here it was, "Labor is seventy five dollars, you have to pay for the part and you have to pay us for this $75.00 service call even if we don't do anything because we're already here."

The total bill was $189.oo. I won't be able to cook in it because we will be eating off the dollar menu at Wendy's all month to pay for it.

The new part has a five year warranty not including labor. The whole entire microwave only had a one year warranty not including labor.

Tori, give 'em a TAD award please!

Just one thing more: Hear ye Hear Ye, Jean Knee is having a bathing suit issue showing that real bloggers like to swim too. Send me a photo of you sporting your freakieast swim suit pic.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Eye Didn't Realize

Went to the eye doctor because my contacts hurt. I've had them three years and it turns out you're supposed to change them every year. Who knew? They didn't come with any instructions.

Anyway, I stumble out to the lobby and take a seat by a woman and a man. Can't see them but I hear them talking and join in. Just your normal chit chat. After a while the nurse calls Mrs. Rustling back. I expect the woman to get up and go back but instead the man follows the nurse. He/she has a purse so I know there's no mistake. Tina weren't a man.

I still can't see but I wanted to flash a shot of the kewl shades I get to wear all day long,baby!
Almost as kewl as my 80's cat glasses, not quite.

don't nobody click on my Peter Pan hair

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Cracked glasses as modeled by Pinkie Pie Pony

left lense is cracked, looks like hair
(that will be the lense on yer right)

So we're sitting on the couch this a.m. and Lean says, "Can we eat pie for breakfast? just this once? please, please, please!" I'm thinking, pie, for breakfast? Why not. I cut her a small slice and she eats it while I brush her hair--torture for both of us usually but pie makes it seem not so bad. Of course she wants another piece and I say, "okay, after you get dressed. I'll get dressed too and the winner gets to lick the spoon."

I rush into the bathroom, jump in jeans and pull an over sized sweatshirt on over my night gown. I'm just gonna drop her off, no one will see me. Then I don my glasses with the crack, no time for contacts if I'm gonna lick that spoon!
And I'm back, Lean won so I carve her another slice of pie. This is not the first time the pie has been used for ill gotten gain. Yesterday I lured her home from her friend's house with pie because I missed her. Never use pie as a tool for bribery, Karma will get you.

We're ready early now and don't have to rush. Driving along chatting each other up when a car turning left pulls out in front of me!!! I let out an expletive....are you ready for this one... DUMMY!!
We crash, Lean keeps asking again and again, "Who's the dummy you or her, who's the dummy you or her?....................until I finally clue into what she's saying. So many things I could have yelled: asswipe,dumb ass, butt munch (thanks for that one Bee) but no, I yell DUMMY. It's almost embarassing.

I jump out to see if everyone's okay- check. The driver is a very shaken up 17 year old girl. "I didn't see you, I didn't see you, (some other stuff I don't remember, I was just hoping my nightgown wasn't hanging out the bottom of my sweatshirt).
"Oh my gawd your glasses are broken!!" It's okay, they were already broken, it's okay. I'm always so helpful and comforting in these situations.

We sit in our cars and wait, many questions from Lean, "is the car broken? Who's the dummy...., Is this gonna cost a lot to fix-will we still get to go out to eat on Thursday? Who's the dummy you or her? Why do we have to wait for the police I thought they only caught robbers, what's insurance, who's the dummy........"
The girl's dad arrives checks things out asks me questions on and on. The thing is, he has these really kewl sunglasses on and I want to ask him where he got them, but suspect that wouldn't be appropriate.

Police come an hour later, ask if I cracked my glasses-no I'm just a dumbass too cheap to get new ones yada yada.
Everyone agrees it's just an accident, the girl was late for school and didn't use caution, thank god no one's hurt.

But I really know it was the pie eating that caused all this. I used pie for bargaining and to hell with a healthy breakfast. You have an attitude like that and pie Karma will get you each and every time.

Evil Use of Pie =

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Adventures of Cat Rabbit

Cat Rabbit has some posies for you.

Friday, February 22, 2008

In the Old Days

As if having no microwave weren't hardship enough, I didn't count on all the extra dishes, pots and pans needed. Without nuking, you have to use a pan to heat or cook in and then transfer the food to your serving dish. If you nuke, your cooking dish and serving dish are one and the same.
Oh the horror!

And then like a message from above I received a jaunty little email reminding me that I've been through tougher times than this:

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!If you are 30 or older, you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up, what, with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... uphill BOTH ways yada, yada!And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was noway I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a ?? Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy things like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!..... Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, hard luck! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

When it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your a$$ and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!!!? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little !!!And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire.... imagine that!If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!!!!!!!!!You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Oh yea, and a seat belt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.Regards,The over 30 Crowd

If I lived through these tough times, I can do this too!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo Goes Camping

Father Al reminds us: Reduce, Recycle, Reuse

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

O Pioneers!

Our microwave broke on Friday. It won't heat anything at all. It does still spin the turntable around and light up, but that's only entertaining up to a point, really. I had to heat water in a pan, on the stove, to prepare my non-fortifying, caffein-less hot chocolate (no chocolate added).
It got me to thinking about the early pioneers and how they coped with no modern conveniences.

I remember we were the first family I know to buy a microwave oven. It sat on the counter huge and hulking and intimidating every soul around it. My mother was afraid we'd get radiation poisoning and grow new ears while glowing a faint greenish color. We kids just wanted to see the thing work, who cared what it actually did, just turn it on. The first thing to go in was a simple mug of water. After much noise but not much time out came a piping hot mug of hot water? Well there was no instant hot chocolate powder way back then so we just stared silently at this new world of faster heat. My mom the first to speak, "Ed, we have a perfectly good kettle to heat our water with, we certainly don't need that thing! Get back, children."

We didn't use it much the first year. Soon after, other people began to buy microwaves and use them for re-heating and water boiling. Then came the discovery of microwave cooking; by Jove you can cook in that thing , it's fast and you don't have to worry about it blowing up like the pressure cooker, painting the walls with our delectable supper. There were new plastic cooking utensils designed for microwve cooking, cook books, and even TV dinners were now delegated to the microwave. The age of machination indeed, baby! What an absolute thrill to be on the cutting edge of gadget history. We were there, we led the way O Pioneers!

And now? I can't even thaw meat without that thing. Leave the meat out of the freezer? Are you crazy, what about germs? Re-Heat carry out dinners in the oven? ,are you daft? Yes I must struggle through just as my Grandmother and Mother have done before me. At least until the repairman comes.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

What a Girl Wants

Drew knows what a girl wants for Valentine's Day. A big giant card yeah, baby! Try not to be too envious.

As a special bonus you get to see my Peter Pan hair hanging over the edge. Sweet!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo Has Handpicked a Valentine for Each of His Fans

P.S. try to guess which one(s) are/were for you

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Vintage Charm

You've heard it before, they don't make things like they used to. There's something about vintage items, their charm, their history, their sheen.

Circa 1988, Jean Knee, a recent college grad, ready to embrace the world, rise to any challenge.Funds were short, the new career wouldn't begin for three months. Limbo.

So I got a job at a popular department store as a customer service rep. Fancy, no? No. It meant light accounting, paper work and consoling inconsolable customers. Fine , fine.
I was "encouraged " to wear a dress, woman shoes and, most abominable of all, panty hose.

Grandma, and her credit card to the rescue , had me all set with a suit dress that could be paired with other separates to give me a working girl's wardrobe. I heard that , pervs. As an extra special addition Grandma had a stash of nylons left in pristine, still packaged condition from her pre-retirement days. These babies were of a shimmery taupe that was no longer a avilable for purchase, anywhere. Oh, these vintage pearls gave me the extra polish I needed to pull my look together, and there were six packages. S..I..X.

So I'm at the job waiting on a particularly snarly (rhymes with gnarly, it was the 80's, baby!) lady and feeling the pressure when a feeling of gentle release overcame me. Was it flatulence, Jean Knee? Unfortunately, no. The ancient elastic of the luxurious vintage panty hose had, well, failed. I could feel them bunched around my ankles. I was cool though, since I was behind a counter I just stepped out of them and excused myself. Once in the john I thought of dashing out and purchasing a new pair of nylons from the store. At $6.00 a pair this was just not acceptable, I could buy a pair at the supermarket for $1.89. I could go bare legged, but my 'non-woman shoe' wearing feet would not slip into woman shoes minus the requisite nylons. I decide to wear the nylon panty hose and put my underwear on over them to hold them up. Fabulous! I'm back out on the floor in a flash.

Except the elastic was really, really gone now. I could feel those deviant nylons inching down my legs out of their confinement, getting closer and closer to my knees. They were stretching and pulling and at any second the waistband would be appearing below my hemline looking like deflated elephant ears. I tried to be very still to buy some time. And then my shift was over.


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Mr.Cocka-Doodle-Doo Gives Up Nudie Magazines for Lent

Take a look at what was inside. Oh, the Horror.

Phat Tuesday

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Groundhog Day

Here it is 5:00 pm and I have just remembered what glorious holiday is celebrated this very day. So sorry Phil, but better late than never....

These are some stuffed groundhogs I found for sale. It didn't state what they were stuffed with but I can only hope bacon so they can go straight into the oven.