Monday, January 26, 2009

What was I Thinking Or Something

Bee is having a thing where you post pictures you never used because later you thought WTF?

Mustache rides look like an absolute bargain at .05. Take a ride on my mustache, yeah baby!
See, I just couldn't pull it together. (and if you're a woman-don't act like you don't want one)

Here I am on vacation having my tusshie squeezed by Buzz Lighyear. I tried to fight him off but the sucker was strong.

Batman and Robin engaging in an unnatural act. This is why I chose not to be BFF's with Batman.
I 'm not sure if I totally understood the instructions but whatever.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

SkateWorld: Land of Paradise

Lean went to a skating party this afternoon. She was pretty nervous because she's never been skating. My secret plan was to don skates myself and help her around the rink. I had to wear a pair of Drew's socks because my inheritance is getting a bit shabby for public appearances.

Ahhh, I remember skating in Jr. High. The best was when they played Dream Weaver and dimmed the lights and flashed colored lights around. "OOOOH dream weaver, I believe you can get me through the nig-hight."

I was a little apprehensive because, well let's face it, forty something is not the best age for skating. But hey, I remember the fast skaters always watched out for the young or coordination challenged. All will be well.

I look out at the crowd and my word, all bets were off. Those tweens were going at least 50 MPR out there. I don't know what they've done to the new skates but I could barely follow their laps around. Plus they were trying to trip each other and push each other into the wall. And no one did anything about it. It looked like an episode of Roller Derby without protective pads and helmet. All plans of reliving my glory days and showing Lean the ropes were dashed. DASHED.

I decided to order a cup of hot chocolate to calm my nerves, but wow the counter girl didn't know how to make it. She had to get the manager, the manager walked her through it, ten minutes have now passed, my gawd just stir the powder in some hot water how stinkin hard can that be?? She finally started trying to stir it but it didn't mix up because, hello, the water wasn't hot. She puts it in the microwave, styrofoam cup and all and no way I'm drinking that poisoned mess of chemicals so I just leave. Lean has been calling me, the girl is never gonna get it right and twenty minutes of my important life are gone

There was some delicious chocolate frosted cookie cake that was yum. No forks but hey I stuffed it on in with no incidents. mmm

The rest of the time was pretty mundane just taking Lean around. As we were leaving one of the fathers gave be the old hairy eyeball, even turned around twice to check me out. Maybe no re-captured youth but, baby I still got it.

I checked myself in my car mirror and I had a HUGE smear of chocolate frosting on one side of my lips. Oh the horror!! No one even told me.

It still could have been my hawtness he was checking out, you don't know.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Heiress

You might expect this post to be about famous Heiress' like Paris Hilton and how hard it is to be an heiress. I can't think of a much worse thing to be, poor Paris.

This is the story of my inheritance and how it has affected my life.

When my husband's father passed, Drew was given his class ring. It's a very nice gold one with a sparkly red jewel in the center. I would show you a photo of it but it is safely laid away in our safe deposit box at our bank.

After speaking with Drew's mother several times about finding a memento for myself we finally happened upon the treasure that won my heart. A tasteful brown parcel arrived within the week. The contents: one well worn pair of cashmere socks.

They were spectacular. My favorite winter colors of black, charcoal gray, and cranberry red. Did I mention they were of the softest and warmest cashmere known to man?
Here is my favorite photo of the socks.

Let me point out the finer points for you. The cranberry red is hand embroidered in an argyle pattern. The cashmere has grown exceptionally soft from frequent washings. Here you can see the wear patterns made by my father in law. Notice his feet were bigger than mine so my heel hits farther down. This is great because it means they will last longer. I wear them constantly. They are warm and soft and awesome to wear.

I know some family heirlooms can be somewhat burdensome. The silver tea set that has to be polished, the out of fashion jewelry that must be insured, the class ring that resides at the bank.

Mine will never be a burden to me or others. I have used,and will continue to use them to my sincere and utter delight.

I probably will not pass them on to my daughter but I will make sure she gets something useful, delightful, and much wanted from me when the time comes.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Friday, January 9, 2009

Everybody Wants Me

Apparently my much publicized BFF liaison with rock legend Ted Nugent has gained the interest of another very macho, very famous television legend. I was perusing my email messages, checking for one from Ted; there wasn't one, yes! (It would be a much more fulfilling BFF relationship if Drew would tell me where he lived. But no, he's afraid I might get in trouble for stalking. Only Drew would think driving by Ted's house twenty times a day and following his cammo Blazer around town is stalking).

But whatever, I think I am gaining a new BFF. Check out this email I received:

Mr. William Batman

Tel: +62 8568811184

Good day and how are you ? I am Mr. William Batman from Republic of Sierra-Leone and I'm representing my family here in Indonesia regarding investing the sum of US$3Million ( Three Million United States Dollars with you in your country, this fund is already here in Jakarta in a highly secured place . We have made all arrangements regarding this , we only need your assistance ,support and guidance to make an investment in a profitable and good business in your country.I am presently in Jakarta Indonesia. I will appreciate if you will guarantee me your trust and support to assist me, we can arrange a meeting here to discuss and follow up the project . please schedule a date for us to meet here in Jakarta .Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day.On our meeting we can discuss the possible means of securing the fund and sharing percentages.


Mr. William Batman

That's right people, Batman wants to meet me in person and , perhaps even do a little business together. I've seen his AARP commercials so I'm guessing it's some kind of old people promotion or something.
I know.
I know.

I don't think Ted's going to like it but what ya gonna do? If he objects he won't email me and then I'll know. Maybe we'll even go around together and have a Geritol signing promotion or some kind of fiber awareness type thing.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Just Some Year End Odds and Ends

Forgive me Father Al for I have sinned against climate in a most unforgivable way. I condoned and joined in the purchasing and blowing up of various fireworks on New Year's Eve. After the festivities a huge black ball of smoke rose in the air and headed south, therefore it is clearly not my problem.

PSA I was burned at The Jumping Place while Sliding. Keep your arms raised in praise or suffer the consequences. Lean and I slid down one of those ginormous inflatable slides only; Hello!, no one told us not to put our arms down on the slide and now look at our matching elbow burns.

Ted and I remain BFFs even though there is no picture of us together. No email is good email.
After some concern that I might be a little too interested in movies with cannibalism I discovered that I have only seen four of the top ten. If you've seen more you are depraved and must seek help from a professional.

I sold 43 packages of Pretty Bacon Ornaments for the Holidays. That is 258 slices of bacon that I glittered by hand. That is a lot of bacon and now I hear Bacon is retiring--well we shall see.

Mr. Edless' crocheted bloody bone stump remains one of the most clicked upon photos of 2008.
And look at his mouth: FREAKY