Sunday, December 30, 2007

What's a Fudge-A-Gator?

Last week while my neighbors were gone to Disney World I fed their dog, cats, fish.

So they brought me back a Fudge-a-gator, junior. I read the box, glanced inside, still unsure, I say, "is it fudge from an alligator?" everyone cracks up. Uh-Oh.
Sure it looks like it could be a delicious confection...except it didn't have a cellophane wrapper around the box, hmmmm. Rim has my same sense of humor so this could be tricky. "Is this an alligator turd, Rim?!" More laughter.

Flashback Valentine's Day 2007. We're at dance class waiting for our kiddos when I rip out a beautifully wrapped white rose. It is lovely indeed. Me, "Rim, did you know that white roses are for friendship? They are, so I made you this white rose for Valentine's Day." I hand it over, she exclaims how pretty it is, it looks just like a real one, Jean Knee! I tell her to look closer, she does, what? Look closer Rim. Then she starts snickering. Of course the other mothers want to see, we show them the lovely rose that has been crafted out of a feminine napkin. I keep a straight face the whole time. "I made it out of a feminine napkin". The other mothers don't know what to do and I keep a blank look on. Rim says thank you and puts it in her purse.

See it's funny because while searching the Internet for ghost crafts I was led to a site with a cute little ghost crafted from a tampon. Of course I had to corrupt Rim with the hilarious site. We snickered about how there should be a condom craft site and hey, feminine napkins are totally left out!!!! Oh the outrage!!

Thus leading to the rose. Hmmmmm Remembering this I'm thinking, this might be a fudge shaped alligator or fudge from the gator. So Of course I say thank you and put it in my purse.

TO BE CONTINUED........................

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

My Secret

It may be better to give than to receive , but it's funner to receive, sometimes.

Someone gave Lean a crappy vest and Drew an excruciatingly long and boring book about Irish History (snore).

But, someone gave me exactly what I wanted:

Here's some more history

Monday, December 24, 2007

. MERRY CHRISTMAS ! !!!! ! !! !! !! !!!!!! !! !

. Decorating courtesy of Lean

Sunday, December 23, 2007

The Happy Holiday Post

Yes it's Christmas eve eve. Everything ready in your house? Really? Fabulous!

Still looking for a fun and easy family craft that even drunken uncle Steve can't mess up?

Look no further. Today you will learn to make melted candy ornaments.

Supply List: red and green starlight mints

..................... parchment paper

....................... assorted ribbons

Directions: Line a cookie sheet with Parchment paper. Arrange unwrapped star light mints in a pattern on top of Parchment paper. Place in a 350 degree oven for five minutes until melted. Remove and let cool. Add ribbons or hooks and decorate tree .

We hung these from the ceiling with fishing line. They look like sun catchers and twirl all around.

We are still experimenting with candy canes, let me know if you are successful.

Note: supervise children and uncle Steve around oven

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Friday, December 21, 2007

It's Never Too Late, is it?

Good Mail for all my very favorite peeps. Did you love what I sent You? Did you use it wisely?

Yes it's that time of the season, you're out of time you lazy slacker. Anything you haven't done is probably a lost cause for this year. Or, maybe not. I have wrapped specially for each and every one of you, a hand picked,hand be-ribboned lovely mistletoe bouquet. That's not all. Each one comes in an oh so funny Holiday Card. Yessss. And I have written a very special Holiday wish for you, only you, inside the card. Are you loving it?

What, you didn't receive yours? Quit crying, no one else did either. Do not despair sweet peeps, I have fixed it all up so you can enjoy kissing someone hawt this Holiday Season.

Here is a picture of the mistletoe bundles all ready for shipping. Lovely, I know.

Here's a closeup. Now quick right click on this pic and then hit print. Your delightful bouquet is ready to be cut out and hung above a favorite doorway. Happy Holidays!!

What about the Holiday card? Do I have to do everything here? Okay, here's what you do. Visit one of those on-line card shops, pick one out for yourself, print it and write your own heartfelt message from me on the inside, display on the mantel.

P.S.- next year I will actually mail them, I hope.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

It's The Happy Kitty Post

Why the happy kitty post? Because Santa's been reading my blog.

Wordless Wednesday: Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo Yanks Some Johnsons

Monday, December 17, 2007

An Important Tip For Those Flying This Holiday Season

On Saturday I ventured to make French toast in my trusty waffle maker 4000. It turned out delectable, both sides evenly crisped and scab like. MMMmmm, the perfect French Toast.

This reminded Drew of a cautionary tale I will share with you now, dear readers.

We hopped an early morning flight going somewhere fun. The stewardess asked for our order and I ordered French Toast, after which I fell into a deep sleep. Some time later I awoke to a lovely sight of Fancy French Toast rolled and powdered with confectioner's sugar sitting oh so demurely on my tray table. I quickly grabbed it and and took a big bite, mmm. What!??? Oh THE HORROR!! I had bitten into the hot towel you were supposed to wash your hands with. What kind of vile joke was this??
You take an order for French toast and roll a hand cloth up to look like a confection and serve it to an unconscious person??? Oh the outrage!!!!

Oh how foolish I felt. I did notice that the stewardess didn't even crack a smile. They go through vigorous training to deal with emergency situations such as hand towel eating. I bet I was the first, but I suspect not the last.

Fellow travelers, do not let this happen to you. Order the omelet and sausages to be safe.

I'll have mine with extra syrup and butter please.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I'm Full Of It

What happens when you are full of candy each and every day since Halloween? Besides the inevitable butt spread I'm left feeling a bit sluggish. Sugar highs lead to crashing lows. With no caffeine to boost me along I need to get moving, stir the blood pooled in my nether regions from constant blogging.

During the summer I used to pull the weeds out of our lawn. It doesn't sound like much but we have an over sized yard filled with Johnson grass. Those weeds grow tall and their roots are deep. You have to give them quite a tug to get them out. I've yanked a thousand Johnsons at least.

Now with the Holidays in full swing, I need some extra energy. I need a new exercise regimen. What to do.

It can't be anything that seems like exercise. My body has a unique survival instinct whereas if I move too vigorously and produce even a drop of perspiration, my whole system shuts off supplies of energy and shoots them straight to storage facilities in the butttox, leaving me drained and unable to remain in an upright position.

So I need to sneak some extra movement into my day. Dear readers do you have any tips for me? What do you do to add a bit more movement into your day?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Monday, December 10, 2007

Family Fun Stuff

The Christmas Season is here! I know many of you celebrate by using an advent calendar. To find great devotionals to go with your daily activities check out Melissa's daily devotionals

We try to do a family activity every night of advent. Some nights there just isn't time but we usually come up with something fun.

Rudolph night: Rudolph was shown on tv several nights ago (don't worry you can rent it if you missed it). Before it came on we made a reindeer centerpiece for the table.

I folded long rectangles of brown paper into a triangle and taped. We traced our hands on light brown paper and added these for antlers. Wiggle eyes and pom pom noses completed the look. These are cute but did not show up well in the pic.

During the commercials we played where's Rudolph: hide a stuffed reindeer toy somewhere in the house. The person who's it then searches with hot/cold hints.

This is easy enough and fun enough for even dysfunctional families! Go Rudolph!

If you like this and want more, leave a comment and I'll add some to my craft blog.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Rest of the Story

Now the answer you've all been waiting for...............................

Number 7 is false, I never went skinny dipping at a men's correctional facility!

Now here's the inside scoop on a couple of other's (sorry Bee)

Stolen car: Three girls out gallivanting. The driver needs to pick up something at her house, she goes in, we wait. Wouldn't it be funny if we drove the car around the block and when she comes out there's no car? She'll really crack up over that one ha haw. Her dad was a huge as*wipe so he called the police to report that we stole the car. So we had to wait at her house, with the as#wipe for the police to arrive. The police were like this is stupid but he can press charges. I had to do a lot of fast talking to get the cop to convince the as#wipe to let it go.

Ripped off pants- High school: Jean-uh and Jean Knee are harassing a boy. He tries to get away but they grab the pockets on the back of his corduroy pants from Sears and they rip. Jean-Uh and Jean Knee collapse on the ground laughing hysterically, boy thinks he has escaped and walks around a bit before someone tells him his pants are torn and about to fall off (tighty whiteys if you were wondering.)

The rest need no clarification. See, I'm still the same innocent Jean Knee you have come to know and love.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Random Meme

Bee tagged me for 7 random things.

Here Goes:

1. I attended bar tending school and graduated with honors.

2. I once stole a car and barely escaped being arrested by chatting up the
arresting officer.

3. I used a dead relative's false teeth to teach children the proper way to brush teeth. A co-worker said it was disgusting so I sent her the teeth in an intra-office envelope.

4. I once went skinny dipping in a water fountain at a men's correctional facility.

5. A friend had a special monogrammed spoon with a D on it (he called it the "Dale spoon") and wouldn't let anyone use it. So I licked it and put it back in the drawer.

6. I swished some one's toothbrush in the toilet.

7. Jean-Uh and I pulled and ripped a classmate's pants off. He told the principal on us but the principal didn't believe him.

Now the fun part is that one of these is false, which one do you think?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Monday, December 3, 2007