Thursday, December 13, 2007

I'm Full Of It



















What happens when you are full of candy each and every day since Halloween? Besides the inevitable butt spread I'm left feeling a bit sluggish. Sugar highs lead to crashing lows. With no caffeine to boost me along I need to get moving, stir the blood pooled in my nether regions from constant blogging.

During the summer I used to pull the weeds out of our lawn. It doesn't sound like much but we have an over sized yard filled with Johnson grass. Those weeds grow tall and their roots are deep. You have to give them quite a tug to get them out. I've yanked a thousand Johnsons at least.

Now with the Holidays in full swing, I need some extra energy. I need a new exercise regimen. What to do.

It can't be anything that seems like exercise. My body has a unique survival instinct whereas if I move too vigorously and produce even a drop of perspiration, my whole system shuts off supplies of energy and shoots them straight to storage facilities in the butttox, leaving me drained and unable to remain in an upright position.

So I need to sneak some extra movement into my day. Dear readers do you have any tips for me? What do you do to add a bit more movement into your day?

42 comments:

Bee said...

````````````
^^^^^^^^^^

Bee said...

"I've yanked a thousand Johnsons at least."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I didn't know you were so open about it!

Bee said...

khrmm...
HOW'S ABOUT A LITTLE SOMETHIN SOMETHIN IN THE NETHER REGIONS??
There goes your G rating!

No Cool Story said...

Adiós G rating!!
Adiós para siempre adios...
That post is bad, it looks like those bad guys who tie the damsels to the railroad tracks.

No Cool Story said...

I don't know what a Johnson looks like, but I hope I never ever have to yank one.

No Cool Story said...

Ok ok advice.

Introduce Penny to some random neighborhood dog.

Unleash her.

Extra movement!

Melissa said...

Extra movement... um... well, sometimes I stretch... or ... um... yawn a little more. Sometimes I shift my weight from one butt cheek to the other or maybe cross my feet... yeah... I got nothing. One thing that I did enjoy a long time ago was swimming. Something you can take at your own pace, but always a work out because of the resistance the water has as you move through it... or something like that... maybe you should visit Elastic's Dollar General... sounds like that place would get you moving... good luck!

Bee said...

A long time ago I saw the Bruce Lee story where he had these wires on his body that gave him electric charges. I think it was to strengthen his muscles. You can try that... although he did die but I'm sure that was because of his curse.

PEEPS LOOKING FOR JEAN KNEE said...

JEAN KNEE!!! WHERE ARE YOU????

Jelly Bean makers coalition said...

Did you know we make jelly beans out of reindeer spit??

wooden post anti-defamation league said...

We need a few words with you.

Please call our offices.

Jean Knee said...

well, shifting from one butt cheek to another sounds good as well as the electrode thing...



Don't worry NCS Johnson grass doesn't grow as far north as you are, no yanking required

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

*SNICKER*

OK, I'm glad you're done with coffee but now we need to work on the sugar.

Oh, who are we kidding? Miss Cupcake Queen is giving you sugar advice?

I'd say, go for walks but don't be all anal about it, like, changing your clothes for it or taking along a pedometer or checking your heart rate... just go outside and walk around. If you want, you can run like Phoebe sometimes.

Jean Knee said...

if I ran like phoebe the neighbors might start thinking I'm weird

Bee said...

Let me know if you get my email...

Jean Knee said...

Oh the horror!!!!

literally!!!!!

Lisa said...

10 minute Pilates DVD. I love it! I can do anything for 10 minutes. Or run up and down stairs. Park far away from the store entrances.

Mrs. Monkey said...

Aside from regular trips to get ice and water from the fridge I have nothing to add. I did bust up laughing about your yanking a thousand Johnsons. Those were definitely not visions of sugarplums dancing in my head1 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Get a treadmill that generates power and plug your computer into it. If you stop running the computer goes off and you lose everything you were doing. Watch the pounds fall off.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I prefer to be called "Gentle Reader" as opposed to "Dear."

HMPH

I'll be writing to Miss Manners about you shortly.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I just got a letter from the HOA yesterday about the weeds in my shrub planter, jean knee. Will you come to my house and clean up my bush??!!?

Jean Knee said...

I saw the nasty thing...too late and I corrupted Bee with it too.

I like spreading Holiday cheer (not Christmas cheer, Holiday cheer)

Bee said...

I have never in my 35hundred years seen anything ore disgusting!

One of the girls said...

Come share some of my yummy ice cream...

No Cool Story said...

Oh no. I don't want to know. I really really really don't.
I know .005% about it and that's waaaay too much.

:P

Jean Knee said...

NCS and anyone else who reads this

do not watch it, ever

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Having your head lopped off will take care of ten pounds, pretty much immediately. And you'll never have to worry about being active again.

No Cool Story said...

I am so not ever.
Don't say the title either JK...horrible. I only watched one of those "reaction videos", before I knew. And I don't.

So anyway, what's up with you?

Jean Knee said...

Father Al may make the cover of People magazine for their most influential or interesting or fabulous list. I can't remember the title, once I heard his name i went into a swoon.

I know he'll win. I ..just...know..it

Large Marge said...

Back in my day we didn't use no stinkin cup. Self-serve right from the source.

Large Marge said...

Just like that Poison CD title
Open up and say AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!


Large Marge knows all about them mullet-headed Poison boys. She did the Unskinny Bop with one of them during a wild night in the velvet groupie room at The Regal Beagle.

Bee said...

::BLECH!!:: Right from the source open up and say "ahhh"!
:o{

Jean Knee said...

okay now enough of the cup. Let's focus on my silly use of the word Johnson. haaww ha ha hawwww

no more cup


yanking johnsons--haa haawww ha ha ha hawww

cup=bad

johnson yanking= funny, hee heee

Bee said...

jean knee you Johnson yanker!

No Cool Story said...

:{
S-T-O-P!!! In the name of love!
before you break my heart...

Burritos said...

jean knee, we're looking for you to come pet us.

Father Al said...

Don't stop believin'
Jean Knee!

*Thanks for your support*

Large Marge said...

Jean Knee, it's a trick!!!

Burritos iz fur eatin, not pettin.

Jean Knee said...

I'm not sure marge, those donkeys really like getting pet

they don't look too tasty, although if you hit one with your big rig you shouldn't let it go to waste

Jean Knee said...

coming soon, a totally clean post about one of my many mishaps.

wynne said...

after reading all the comments, I clean forgot what the post was about. except that it was a bad one and had johnsons in it.

Rhonda said...

Extra energy...let me know when you find it! I would say add lots of caffeine to that sugar high and get yourself a two year old. That keeps me on my toes. Until 8:00 p.m. anyway. :)