Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Fish Out Of Water

Ever have that eerie feeling that you're not really real. You're not really you but an impostor? And then everyone keeps waving at you and calling you Claude?

Happened to me today. Of course I was wearing a fish costume with the name Claude emblazoned across the front, but still.

Today I was Claude the fish, mascot and candy bestower of a local hospital. There's nothing I like better than dressing up strangely and giving out candy, baby! To help my friend Jean-Uh (respiratory therapist) celebrate week of the lung, I became a fish, an animal lacking lungs, and gave out candy to all who passed me by.
I danced, I jumped, I shook my boo-tay and waved my fins off. And, best of all I could practice all my smooth Napolean Dynamite moves and in the fish suit they looked kewl. It was big time fun and I didn't commit too many faux pas either. I was warned to behave and not 'cuss' beforehand. Even though it was hot as Hades in there I kept my expletives to myself.

Later I was escorted around to meet Jean-Uh's new work friends (she just started a new job). I jokingly asked her boss for the $10.50 an hour I was promised for being the fish. He became flustered and nearly fainted. Luckily Jean-Uh was there to tell him I was joking. Some people are really just too serious, don't you think?

One of her coworkers showed me a thong (of the women's underwear variety) that she had received as a gift from her secret friend. I gladly showed her how she could use it as a sling shot to hurl rocks at things and also have a fancy surgical mask. She demonstrated for us. Ha Ha, she was cool. The others kind of dead pan stared. I might not be invited back.


But, the important thing to remember here is I did not cuss.

.


PS: left out the part where some lady came up to me said,"Rodney, is that you?" and punched me in the stomach. dumb mass, I had a name on my chest

29 comments:

Bee said...

SO WHERE'S THE COSTUME???

Bee said...

Sorry i would have been here sooner but Andy was killing trolls and orcs so he didn't let me have the computer until now...!

Bee said...

Thongsling... naisse!

Bee said...

Are you flipping me off under that fin???

Bee said...

You lokk kinda orangey, did you have too many cheetos?

Okay I'm done, I'm going to bed now. The bed Nazi is yelling at me!

Tori :) said...

Is Claude related to Nemo??

Tori :) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carrot Jello said...

Yeah, looks like Nemo to me.

compulsive writer said...

That's pretty cool.

Oh, I guess it was rather hot.

Jean Knee said...

I gimped one of my fins and yep, I was a dead ringer for nemo

Lisa said...

Way to go on keeping your dirty words to yourself! ;) You rule for helping bring some fun to the hospital!!

No Cool Story said...

-Hi Nemo!!!
-no, I'm his cousin Claude, see? *Points*
-Is Nemo here?
-No but I have candy, see? *Points*
-Hmm, will Nemo come later?
-No, but...
-"Rodney, is that you?"
*Punches*
/dumb mass

No Cool Story said...

On a more serious note, good for you, bringing smiles to children in one of the sacariest places on Earth.
This is why you got paid Teh big buck$ :)

Jean Knee said...

yep, I worked for free.

the kids were timid but the little old ladies loved claude, they held my fin for the longest time. I love old people

Jean Knee said...

no, wait I got a turkey sandwich and some doritos

Bee said...

If you love old people... maybe you'd want to come work here?

I work in an Old Folks Home slash Insane Asylum...

We would have tons of fun!

Chris said...

ROFL.

Omg, laughing so hard.

And I would love an explanation on how an animal with no lungs helps celebrate lung week?!

That's just funny.

And good job not cussing ;-)

Brian o Vretanos said...

Once I've moved into my castle and got the Olympic pool built, I'll hire you for parties. Of course, people will almost certainly throw you in the water - I presume you can swim in that get-up?

Bee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bee said...

Did they let you have Claude or did you have to give him back?

Maybe you should try wearing it around Cupcake, might make him jealous or horny...

Bee said...

I had to delete the first comment cuz the typo made it naughty...

Sarah B. B. said...

Holy crap! Not one single cuss word? In that veritable cloak of anonymity? I am WAY impressed. What's next? Driving without road rage?

Evil Kitty said...

Just remember that Evil Kitty likes to eat Fish. Especially fish with names across the front.

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...

Did anyone else say this yet:

"Is Claude's last name Balls?"

Kimberly said...

This is an automated blog comment: “I am sooooo far behind! I’m catching up on all my blog reading this afternoon but don’t have the time or energy to be creative with my comments. I read. I loved. You’re fab. Seriously.”

Jean Knee said...

thanks NcS, I always wondered why people always call me rodney, then sucker punch me...and now I know

Jean Knee said...

evil k- not this one it was huge and hairy hee hee that's what she said

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I would have thrown a container of tartar sauce on you.

Melissa said...

I love the costume! So, um, who exactly is Claude? Is he Nemo's 2nd cousin twice removed??