Cram It Some More

Tomorrow is wordless Wednesday and, well, there are just no words....
Here's some stuff in my actual house right at this actual moment





I wanted to write O J was here in fake blood, but since children were visiting I refrained from doing so. I did print it on the picture at Walgreens before I printed it out for the photo album.

Next portion is for Brian, his therapist thinks if he looks at photos of spiders he will become de-sensitized. What? Yes as a matter of fact I am his therapist, he just doesn't know it yet. And you thought there was nothing free left in the world? My therapeutic services are free whether you want them or not. Lovely.





you may have to click to see spiders in photo



Little Lean made this in school

And finally, NCS gave me an idea to decorate the house with Al Gore, and I'm gonna be him for Halloween-I printed his face out on green paper, lock box, yeah baby!

but of course blogger will not upload them!!! The Horror!!!!!

Halloween Cram

Halloween is almost here so I have a few more things to cram in.





Halloween is almost here so I have a few more things to cram in.

HAlLoWeeN HODGePOdgE

This post has it all. Party fun. Turd Rant. An environmental awareness prize. Plus cupcakes.


Saturday: day of leisure, day of celebration,...day of dog turds?????? Lean's party was here at last. The guests were ready for some outdoor fun and games. Do I disappoint? Never. I started setting up the outdoor paraphernalia, girls ran out into the yard and straight into a pile of dog turds. EEEEK!!! Now that is scary.
My Penny and Polka Dot are confined to the backyard so, obviously they are not the culprits. Time out for a turd rant:

I believe in respecting other people's rights, especially neighbors because we are all in this together,right? You saw the measures I went to to keep Penny out of other people's yards and flower beds. There are others not so courteous.

Our neighborhood is full of unconfined dogs. You can't go for a walk without being followed by at least five dogs, none of which belong to you. Worse yet, they will growl at and lunge at your dog who is on a leash. Complaints don't work, all the dogs are either black labs or golden retrievers, so no matter who you complain to they say it wasn't their dog. I've called the sheriff and he laughed at me. Ha ha ha Jean Knee, you should know there is no leash law where you live...sucka!!! I checked into it with the city counsel, they laughed and said sucka too. Really they said we can have an ordinance passed for a leash law but we will have to fund the animal control catching and containment, can't use the local shelter. Somehow I don't see these careless neighbors funding the impoundment of their own dogs. Bake sales and car washes wouldn't begin to cover costs, so ha ha sucka is right.
We live in a subdivision where you buy land and build. Why don't these people include fences? Put it in the mortgage people, you know you have a dog!

We've used tons of pepper spray, only works for awhile. One dog got in our garage, ripped open a bag of ant poison, ate it and ran away. Serves him right? yeah but really, it's the owners who should be poisoned. So of course I sent Drew out to knock on houses to see if it was their dog so they could take the dog to the vet.
The dog came back for more the next day, ate a little and was totally unharmed. How is this possible? Another dog ran in our garage and got stuck on a sticky mouse trap. Dog ran home with it so at least the owners had to deal with it. I have a hundred similar stories, you get the idea.

The Horror!!!! Strange turds at our party! Drew and I quickly dealt with the offensive droppings. Ewww Eww Ewwww A bit later we were bobbing for apples using cool skeleton tongs, thanks Sarah, and a dog bobbed for and ate an apple. You can't make this stuff up people. Another dog showed up and chased the girls, I yelled at and scared it off. The Horror!!!!!
(at Lean's Easter party we had a live bunny. Yes, many dogs showed up and one ran at a child holding the rabbit. I was beyond furious and scared the crap out of the dogs with my screeching and broom swinging. they did leave) see how I just keep ranting on with dog stories...

Back to the partay!!! It was fabulous and I even have a before and after picture.

Kitchen table before, yes that's right I have that wicked hoarding disease,,so..?


Kitchen table after, (after cleaning but before the noshing)


See the black streamers hanging in the background? I shredded it from last year's costume therefore I win a Father Al award. Yay me!!

couple of closeups..see that wicked sign? Yet again thanks SaraH. I made the evil clown skeleton, look away NCS! Too late, ha ha sucka!


Check out those cupcakes. First time I've had store bought cupcakes-- boo for my diva like homemaking skills petering out. The hoard took all my time.

HALLoWEEN pAST

It's almost All Hallow's Eve. So I've got to cram in a lot of stuff, here goes:




crepe paper bat goodie bag... bat cookie ...rabies not included









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Angry eyes made from a swimming pool noodle...scary





stay tuned, there's always more where that came from

Time Draws Near

As time draws near,
do not fear
Jean Knee has treats a-plenty
maybe even twenty.



but, that bloody bugger blogger won't upload my pics ...again.... user error perhaps?



Pumpkin Guys ROck.

Easy spider craft
spider treat cup, it's fake, Brian

Tomorrow I will be hosting a Halloween Shin Dig at the Knee House. Color theme is BLACK. Lean Knee will be a purple My Little Pony, not black but what can you do?
Understatement is the theme. Terror is the goal.

Wordless Wednesday: Something Ain't Right

Fish Out Of Water

Ever have that eerie feeling that you're not really real. You're not really you but an impostor? And then everyone keeps waving at you and calling you Claude?

Happened to me today. Of course I was wearing a fish costume with the name Claude emblazoned across the front, but still.

Today I was Claude the fish, mascot and candy bestower of a local hospital. There's nothing I like better than dressing up strangely and giving out candy, baby! To help my friend Jean-Uh (respiratory therapist) celebrate week of the lung, I became a fish, an animal lacking lungs, and gave out candy to all who passed me by.
I danced, I jumped, I shook my boo-tay and waved my fins off. And, best of all I could practice all my smooth Napolean Dynamite moves and in the fish suit they looked kewl. It was big time fun and I didn't commit too many faux pas either. I was warned to behave and not 'cuss' beforehand. Even though it was hot as Hades in there I kept my expletives to myself.

Later I was escorted around to meet Jean-Uh's new work friends (she just started a new job). I jokingly asked her boss for the $10.50 an hour I was promised for being the fish. He became flustered and nearly fainted. Luckily Jean-Uh was there to tell him I was joking. Some people are really just too serious, don't you think?

One of her coworkers showed me a thong (of the women's underwear variety) that she had received as a gift from her secret friend. I gladly showed her how she could use it as a sling shot to hurl rocks at things and also have a fancy surgical mask. She demonstrated for us. Ha Ha, she was cool. The others kind of dead pan stared. I might not be invited back.


But, the important thing to remember here is I did not cuss.

.


PS: left out the part where some lady came up to me said,"Rodney, is that you?" and punched me in the stomach. dumb mass, I had a name on my chest

New Pet Progress

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Look at how my pet has grown! Wowsa! He did piddle on the floor but as it was only water I didn't swat him with a rolled newspaper.



The pet is bigger.



The pet is cute. Just look at that cute tongue lolling out.



special bonus, I wrote two complete sentences, no spelling errors

Lean attending Kindergarten may pay off for me yet

I Want a New Pet

This is a song that should be sung to the tune of "I want a new drug" by Elastic's favorite band Huey Lewis and the News.

I want a new pet,
one that won't jump the fence.
One that won't beat Polka Dot up,
or make him wince.

I want a new pet,
not one from the pound.
one that won't scratch the door all day,
or dig holes in the ground.

I want a new pet,
one who can swim.
One who's not always comatose,
one who moves his fin.

A new pet arrived for me. Of course I'm a little uneasy since my old pets require enormous amounts of time and patience. But..This one promises to be hassel free.
Needs no training, is flea free, no barking, no digging,no fence hopping, and no fighting. Swweeet!

That's right, I'm going to grow a pet. Take a look.





Awesome, huh? It grows in size by 600%. (Sounds like by butt since high school).
Now, the directions say to put the pet in a container of water and it will grow completely( 600% remember!) in ten days. Hmmmmm

I think I'll keep a pictorial log of my pet's growth so you math nerds can graph it on a super kewl graph! Fabulous!


Here is the before shot





Here is the pet in the water




Grow a pet update and photo tomorrow. Can't wait!

Wordless Wednesday: Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo Supports Father Al By Playing More Cowbell

more cowbell clicky

Salute to Al Gore; Finally, the Recognition Father Al Deserves

I believe political humorist NCS has summed it all up for us with her awe inspiring
poster highlighting Father Al's accomplishments.
see more here



David Letterman's
Top Ten Messages On Al Gore's Answering Machine
Top Ten



10. "Hi, Mandy from The Cheesecake Factory. You left your credit card"

9. "George W. Bush here. Congratulations on your Latin Grammy"

8. "It's Larry from Toyota. This global warming paranoia is great for business"

7. "Put on Letterman. Some idiot is going to jump over interns"

6. "This is Hillary. If you run for president, I'll snap your neck"

5. "It's Jets coach Eric Mangini. Can you play quarterback?"

4. "Ann Coulter here. Any way we can blame global warming on the Jews?"

3. "I'm calling from the EPA. Turns out there is no global warming; You're just sweating because you're getting fat"

2. "This is Jimmy Carter. Want to use our medals to score some babes?"

1. "It's Cheney. Watch your back, Jack"



Mr. Gore and his wife Tipper spoke with United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon at the UN Climate Change Gathering



"No, it's Lock box, L-O-C-K-B-O-X". .... jean knee


Favorite Al Gore Quotes

A zebra does not change its spots.
Al Gore

I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
Al Gore

I invented the internet.
Al Gore

I think George W. Bush has a warm, engaging personality. But, you know, the presidency is more than just a popularity contest.
Al Gore

Our democracy, our constitutional framework is really a kind of software for harnessing the creativity and political imagination for all of our people. The American democratic system was an early political version of Napster.
Al Gore


Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
Al Gore


We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.
Al Gore

Who are these people? (To a tour guide at Monticello after seeing busts of George Washington and Ben Franklin).
Al Gore

Read

okay, I have nothing to blog about so instead I'm gonna tell you what book I'm reading right now. Ready.....The Girl's Guide To Hunting And Fishing by: Melissa Bank....I've read it before but don't remember very much of it so it's almost like new.

Next book I want to read:....Twilight...because everyone I know has read it
One of my crafty Halloween swap partners has a video and post about it on her blog.
check it out here

Cat Scratch Fever

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What, you were expecting wild man, Ted Nugent? Nah, he's off in the woods killing something. Now we, on the other hand, have another partaaaaaay!

Black Cat Party Table


Cat shaped plates with napkin bow tie


Treat bag craft

Cat centerpiece and candy holder




winner of the ugliest cat contest, unretouched photo



And for even more fun here's a top nine list of women who shouldn't dress as cat woman for Halloween (I could only think of nine, they are in random order)
9. Rosie O'Donnell: the mask just doesn't leave enough room for her overly developed, big mouth

8. Britney Spears; costume has no pockets to hold her "goodies"

7. Hillary Clinton; Doesn't want Bill to get any "tail" if it's attached to her

6. Bee; you have to wear matching shoes to be cat woman

5. Condoleeza Rice; the costume isn't white enough

4. Elasticwaistbandlady; it's not as much fun as peeing on bags

3. Martha Stewart; it's NOT a good thing

2. Michael Jackson; must have an actual nose to keep the mask on

1. Jean Knee; because cat woman is not classified as "other"

0. Austin Powers; He's a man, baby!

-1. Penny; clashes with her petsafe collar

Scary Thing

This is an actual picture of Jean Knee. The question is...Do you think Jean Knee is a man or a woman?

take the poll if you would

Public Service Announcement Brought To You By The NRA

Get a gun before a clown gets you



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Wordless Wednesday: Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo Makes Sure Lean Remembers Her Lunch