Sunday, September 23, 2007

A True Tale of Halloween

In Texas, the district courts have original jurisdiction for all criminal felony cases. If an individual is convicted of a capital felony, he or she may be subject to punishment by death, if the State sought such punishment.
In other words you try'em we fry 'em. (state motto as seen on the men's room wall of a Mr. Big Buns). As in the electric chair. Yep.

In the Knee household we embrace that philosophy, minus the death part of course.
We had an inmate fry on the fence just yesterday.
Here is a mug shot of the accused (Penny) in her cell awaiting trial.





Her canine correctional officer (Jean Knee) worked for thirty days to rehabilitate her while on probation. The accused refused to get with the program. Probation was revoked.

The trial was held on Saturday. Her attorney, Lean, regaled the court with tales of the defendant's positive community involvement. The defendant was shown to be Man's Best Friend, showering her family with love, playing fetch, and plopping down for tummy pets.

The prosecution, Drew, presented the court with eyewitness testimony and photos of the defendant assaulting a family member.






Neighborhood witnesses have seen the defendant digging in flower beds and running with local gangs.

Penny was found guilty on all charges and sentenced to yard arrest. She was fitted with a Petsafe collar to insure her compliance. The court was adjourned and family members returned to their home. Seconds later a yelp was heard. The inmate was discovered, stunned looking in the side yard.The Petsafe collar had delivered a terrifying shock when Penny attempted to escape over the fence. We were at once both horrified and amused.

No friends, in Texas crime does not pay. Shocking I'd say.

22 comments:

Melissa said...

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! But, if I ever get in trouble with the law, I hope you're not the judge ;)

Stacey said...

You know,I think those collars should be used on other inmates as well.

Don't forget about cheating husbands too. I would laugh.

wynne said...

THEY* COMMANDED ME TO COME. And so, I have come. (And I notice you've already been to my blog since this Halloween contest stuff started.)

Do you try cats as well? Mine could use some discipline.

*Elastic, Melissa, and Kimberly. But mostly Elastic. She left me no choice.

Lisa said...

Good call. I have a story I could share about someone getting a shock collar for their dog, but not exactly listening as to how to train the dog to know the fence was there. Let's just say the dog was a bit fried after the 4th time they dragged it yelping towards the invisible fence as the child watched in horror crying for the dog.

Hopefully this corrects your Penny's wild escaping behavior, but I hope she doesn't take it out on her roommate.

Bee said...

Penny should have hired me as her lawyer!

I would have convinced the jury that all evidence was circumstantial and the outcome would have been jail for one JEAN KNEE!


*SLAPPED!*

Jean Knee said...

why does everyone assume I was the judge? I am her correctional officer. Drew was also the judge.

I don't know if it works on husbands but I'm pretty sure a cat would fry rather than bend to authority.

If you do it right the dog only gets shocked once or twice. Penny took two times. She's been home all day and not bullying Polka dot any more than usual. Plus now she doesn't have to be in her "cell".

bee- she was guilty all right, the neighbors tattled on her about the flower bed. Of course their dog constantly sprays our mailbox and dumps in our yard but I guess they forgot about that.

Brian o Vretanos said...

So, how many defenceless animals were harmed during the making of this post?

They should set that humane animal lot on you...

BANG!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I love this post. You are one talented writer.

Hubby the probation officer would get a kick out of it too. Way to throw the book at her!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I read this to my kids. You get the mini-Infidel seal of approval, jean knee!!!!

I wonder if you could have a weenie roast on that there electric fence?

WEENIES!

No Cool Story said...

They are tough down there.
Don'tt do the crime if you can't do the ZAP!

Bee said...

jean knee, you need to come help me my boobs are being attacked!

Jean Knee said...

bee- didn;t this happen last week too?

Kimberly said...

Sounds like it was mighty effective. Good for you! And, in the long run, good for Penny too. =)

Special K ~Toni said...

Bahaha! I think poor Penny was railroaded by a corrupt judge!

Kayelyn said...

When's the next court? I have some offenders.

Sarah B. B. said...

If only every state were as tough on canine criminals as the great state of Texas - we watched a guy LET his dog do his business in our neighbor's yard yesterday. Nice. Of course, we were also grateful it wasn't our yard....

Carrot Jello said...

Your almost like James Herriot with your dog stories.

Carrot Jello said...

Pardon me, "you're"

Bee said...

jean knee!
No cock today???

Evil Kitty said...

Commitment? What is this commitment you speak of? Evil Kitty does not understand! :D

Bee said...

::sigh::
I thought today was WEDNESDAY! not TUESDAY!

Jean Knee said...

bolonga, you just wanted to say cock