Thursday, August 30, 2007

A Mighty Fortress is Lean's School

Lean started kindergarten on Monday. I have that empty nest thing going on.

Last year, pre- K, was fine. Lean attended the local University's family studies program (9:00-11:30 T W TH). To get into the building you punch your code into a keypad door lock, enter, walk your child to class. You can stay as long as you like, interact with the kiddos, chat with the teacher etc. The classroom had a two way mirror so you could watch your little tyke and see all the action going on.
Lesson Plans are posted outside the door so you know what to talk about with your kid after school.

This year, kindergarten, is not so fine. That place is an impenetrable fortress. They won't even let you park in the parking lot, I think you can be jailed if you try to enter the school.
The first day apparently all laws were suspended so Drew and I walked Lean to her classroom, greeted the teacher, got things situated and left.

Second day I park in the 'no parking here' parking lot and walk Lean to the door. I pull on it, it's locked but there is a buzzer. I don't know what I said but they actually let me enter the building. We walk a short way into the foyer and see Lean's teacher, she runs to her. I hear: gestapo, 'Ma'am, ma'am stop. You can't enter the building.' me,"OH? There's Mrs. teacher, let me just give her Lean's homework folder" (Mrs teacher is about ten feet away from me). gestapo,'No, you can't enter the building. I'll take the folder.' Me, "Mrs. teacher just went by I'll drop it off". gestapo, 'I have to take it to her, you can't enter the building". I think I saw an armed guard around the corner. It could have been a custodian but I doubt it. I'm not risking being gunned down so I try to leave.

'Ma'am let me go over the procedures with you please.' Uh okay. She whips out a diagram showing me how to enter driveway, drive around back of school, u-turn around a median ,and pull up outside cafeteria doors where an adult will unload child and escort them inside. right, got it thanks.

Picking Lean up after school is even more complicated. Drive around the back again, put a giant sign in your car window with your kid's name, then you have to pull up to a numbered sign and wait for an adult to put your kid in the car. Don't communicate with anyone, don't even roll your window down, you've got that giant sign don't ya? Do not exit car.

Okay, so of course I don't pull close enough to the number and get re-educated by the adult escort. Okay, I think I will get it right soon.

Next day we drive around back of school, do a uie around median, pull up to the correct number. I have to put car in park and help Lean out on driver's side of car because the passenger door won't open from the inside. "Ma'am, please don't exit the car, we will pick your child out of the car and deliver her to the cafeteria" I jump back in car just in case there is a cavity search required since I unlawfully exited the vehicle. So far no shots have been fired, that's good right?

Maybe I will get it right this afternoon. I don't think I can go through another re-education process

I would post a pic of the institution but I'm not allowed out of the car so I can't get a good shot


Lisa said...

We have exact opposite schools! That is hilarious! Sounds like they like their order and their power! Can you blog from jail? Haha!

mcewen said...

Eek. Can't help you with the parking issue, but as to the trouble with 'access' that's part of the reason that I volunteer in all three classrooms so I can check out the dynamics, the other children and see what's what!

Kimberly said...

Gah! Is that legal? Seriously?!

It's the law up here that parents can come in at any time, even observe in the classroom without prior warning.

I'd be kind of freaked out. Is it homeland security cracking down or something?

Jean Knee said...

Lisa- it is crazy, a friend of mine just moved because the schools in her town weren't secure enough.

Mcewen- I signed up for everything there was to do at the school, of course now I'm probably banned

Kimberly- probably is homeland security, we live very close to W's ranch. I can tell Laura's here now because of all the helicopters buzzing around
I can sign her out early with a dr.'s note. no it isn't legal, if anyone really challenged it they would bend

B said...

Is the security that tight all the time there, or do you think it might be because Mrs. Bush is in town? When my kids were in elementary school, the security was pretty tight, but nothing like that! Arent' they afraid the kids will think school is prison and learn to hate it even more than they already will? Good luck, and try not to get yourself arrested or shot.
:D Brenda
P.S. Esther almost has your card finished and I will be mailing it as soon as she's done!

Tori :) said...

Whaaa??? Please tell me you're kidding!! Holy crap.

Lisa said...

At our school once you volunteer and go "in", you are forced to work non-stop, forever and ever and you can't get out. We are slaves to the teachers here! And if you're a slacker, like me, they look down on you just a little.

But hey, the helicopters are cool. When we have helicopters flying around it means our kids are on "lock-down" and they are looking for a criminal.

Bee said...

Well... in all seriousness. My niece goes to one where they are too lax and it freaks me out!

Maybe you're on the goverment's list of "keep an eye on her" people...

I wouldn't doubt it!


Jean Knee said...

b- i'm hoping it's because of ms. Bush's visit. the hubs saw her plane at the air port a couple days ago.

Tori- not kidding, I'm thinking someone was run over or something. I bet at parent's night there will be some irate parents.
when I taught parents started coming to the room an hour before school was out, the constant interruption made the last hour useless as far as activities went so I can see that they don't want you there early

yes that volunteer thing can get outa hand, my neighbor across the street keeps trying to lure me to her house to help her work on the year book. no way, I know I'll end up doing it cause she wants to quit

Jean Knee said...

bee- because of where we live , when I talk to my neighbor on the phone I always say her name and the word bomb to tease her about the feds listening in- it freaks her out, so far she hasn't been taken away.
why did you type vagina? are you trying to get me in trouble with Lean's school?

Lei said...

Oh my gads. That is awful! Shee-eeesh!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Seriously, do you live in East Berlin?

An adult escorts the kids to the school building? Is that a little overkill, do you think?

I love that they almost threw you out. You're only the kid's MOTHER.

Bee said...

Are you threatened by the word
You shouldn't be! Some lady who shall remain nameless typed it on my blog oh... I don't know like a bizillion times...
Now you shall join me when pervs google "cock" (rooster) and "vagina"!

Although maybe they'll type in pussycat only without the cat and you'll be number one to come up!

(sorry the former catholic in me can't type the "p" word by itself even when talking about a cat...)

Melissa said...

Wowzers. That's pretty intense!! Do they have a lot of problems at the school?? It seems odd that you can't go in because you are supposed to be able to observe your child's class at any time....

Jean Knee said...

lei- get a party on your blog,what's taking so long??

millie- it's true I do look a little shady and all, but still

melissa-there are no problems at the school, it's a semi-rural, small community... I'm guessin they want to keep gangs out of the primary school. maybe I shouldn't have let Lean wear her do-rag and ass crack jeans on the first day?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I disguise myself as a teacher by wearing hideous knitted sweater vests with little chalkboards, pencils and charming schoolhouses appliqued on them. I pull my long, gorgeous hair(in yo face!) into a conservative school marm bun, and complete the look with a patent 'WHO JUST FARTED??!!?' sour face.

I walk the walk and talk the talk, and I never had trouble getting into the school. Or maybe it was because of my giant PTA volunteer pin that said MRS. INFIDEL on it? Homeschooling is easier. We only have suspicions about the lunch lady here.

Jean Knee said...

umm, infidel, you forgot about the bifocals on a beaded string around the neck. if you are going to imitate a teacher you gotta pay attention to the little details too

Rhonda said...

Maybe they don't want any parents in there because they are doing some experimental brainwashing stuff on your kiddo. You should sneak in the laundry basket, like they do in the movies. :)

No Cool Story said...

It's the same way in Mexico. It used to shock me how I could just walk inside of school buildings here. I'm used to it now. We also wore uniforms (every school has a different one) so that's really beefs up the security.

Jean knee on my blog: what is SHG?
Me: SHG is Super Happy Girl. As in the lovely angelic creature on the right side of my comment.

normanbatesmomma said...

That's why I homeschooled my sweet Norman.

Special K ~Toni said...

Ummm... I think that is a load of shit! Can I say shit here?

Is lean going to a private school? Because my kids go to public and you better believe my fat ass will walk in there any damn time I want.