Thursday, June 26, 2008

Flubbed

My daughter went to dance camp. You know what that means; One Hour to myself. One Hour to not answer questions, One Hour to not debate about who is the kinder pony: Pinkie Pie or Dream Drifter. One Hour.

The only place worthy of spending my One Hour was Barnes & Noble. I do love to read so I began scouting the place out, planning which section to conquer first when out of the corner of my eye I saw it. Satan's Lure, Starbucks Coffee. Mmm. Of course Dr. Grim forbade me to drink coffee so I move on.

Here is the new fiction, great. Know what else would be great? Coffee. I could go right in there and order me a sinful cuppa Joe right now. No witnesses. Mmmm

Oh yes I love this author. What, is that a new book? Awesome. Who would know, anyway it's not like one cup will kill me, probably. Mmm. Hot, creamy, caffeine laden coffee...... Wait, remember the last time you were in Starbucks how you needed a cypher to understand the menu? Do you want a Latte, a cappuccino, a mochaccino, a frappaccino or a cafe au lait. What size do you want a tall grande or something with a v? What additions would you like; a flavored syrup, hot cream, sprinkles... Oh yeah now I remember I ordered a medium coffee from the girlie boy clerk and was told no they had grand organic Sumatra-Peru blend to save the rain forest or a Kopelani blend with a crisp body and citrusy flavor notes. Wow, that was a horrible memory.

Better go check out the magazines. Dang, no Somerset Life. Might as well drift into Starbucks and see if I can understand the menu. Tall, grand, iced mocha libres. Uh.. What is a frappaccino?Is it coffee and milk? Coffee is so good, Juan Valdez is kinda cute. So is his donkey. I haven't visited my donkey friends for a while, will they remember me?


Focus On The Menu. Cafe au lait, isn't that a color, didn't Jean-uh paint her living room that color? Was that a creamy coffee color?


I'm doing it, I'm about to order a sinful coffee, must concentrate. Wasn't Mr. Coffee the first drip coffee maker? Bet they made a million smackaroos. Why is drip better than perked: something about anti oxidants......
"May I Take your order, please?" CRAP!! Every coffee related thought flew from my mind at once. I gaped at the clerk. Huh?? wha?.. Uhhhhhh

"Small hot chocolate please!" ..............so smooth really. I was supposed to say tall hot chocolate but the lady didn't even blink.


Sooo close. Sigh.

25 comments:

Brian o Vretanos said...

Wayhhhhaaaaaaayyyy!

FIRST!

Brian o Vretanos said...

o whilst you were shopping, did you get any coffee table books?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Why don't they have chocolate tables? Or decaf tables?

Bee said...

(:'o{

No coffee for you? I guess it's for the best you didn't fall of the wagon.

Jean Knee said...

I tried, I really did. the pressure was just too much.


I didn't buy any reading material after paying for the hot chocolate, yow

Sleepy Hollow Craft Company said...

I love your post! Hilarious~ congratualtions on your successful hot cocoa order...will power is inspiring.

Pinkie Pie said...

You know I am #1 Jean Knee!!!

No Cool Story said...

I read the title and thought it was "Flubber".
I was worried you had just watched the movie and wanted to do a review on it.

I am glad I was mistaken.
THANKS Jean knee!

Lisa said...

I wouldn't know what to order at Starbuck's, either.

Dan said...

Why can't you drink coffee ?
Go ahead, somethings got to kill you, might as well be something you enjoy.

Millie said...

I want a coffee table book in the shape of a coffee table.

Hot chocolate is supposed to be really good for you. Be happy. :)

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...

Oh, boo hoo hoo, no coffee for you!

No Cool Story said...

Don't listen to Dan Jean Knee.

If you are going to die you should do it in the arms of Fox Mulder...or eating cheesecake...or in an alien invasion defending your planet...

grande double Frappuccino late no foam fat free said...

I am pure eeevil Jean Knee.
Stay away from me.

Joshua Barton said...

for limited time i selling Original japanese ear pickers, coffee flavorings! Buy one get one free. don't Delay.
eamil credit card info, sex,age.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Didn't your doctor also tell you not to use a coffee colored blog background? And yet here you are, you defiant java-addicted hussy! Plus, even your lettering is a shade of some sort of darkly ground coffee beans that probably was a South American blend flavored by the exotic and mystical alpaca droppings in the middle of the bean fields.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I like the smell of coffee, Jean KNee. My middle name is Jean. I used to fantasize that Gloria Jeans Coffee Bean was really Melissa Jeans Coffee Bean so that I could waltz in there and tell them I owned the place so they better hook me up with a coffee IV drip in my arm because I'm the owner and I said so.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I would NEVER buy a magazine from B&N. Know why? People smuggle them into the toilets to read while they're taking a big bookstore dump. Later the workers have to gather them up from the craproom floor and put them back on the stands.

Tracy said...

Why can't you have coffee? I wansn't aware of that affliction. I think it should be against the law for a doctor to tell you that you can't have coffee. I would die! I only went 7-10 days without coffee and I was near death!

I hate Starbucks. It's a coffee shop but you can't go in there and order a plain cup of coffee. What kind of place is that?

Klin said...

That is some strong will power.

I usually buy too many books at B & N. Well, you can't buy too many books, but you can spend too much money on said books. Yep. That'd be why I must stay. away.

Dan said...

Tracy
Starbucks does sell plain coffee.

Hey It's Di said...

Wow! You are GOOD! I am a caffeine addict and I'll admit it...guess I just did! I can't live without a Diet Coke in my hand at all times. (too bad they don't offer Diet Coke Enemas. .OK, that would be gross:)

You really can't have coffee as per Dr. orders? I guess chocolate is the next best thing. *Sigh!

No Cool Story said...

Umm, this was posted last Saturday (that's like 1 year in blog years)

If I don't here from you soon I'm going to have to call the blog hounds.

Just sayin'

Melissa said...

Hi-5 to you! Way to be good, even though you really, really didn't want to be :)

Rhonda said...

Does Joshua have a blog? He cracks me up.

Please tell me how you resisted the Starbuck's draw. I swear they put crack in their coffee...especially the frappuccino drinks. I'm like a moth to a flame with those things.