Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Return

TODAY IS MY ONE YEAR BLOG ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not doing anything to celebrate it so if you got all excited about a giveaway or free money sorry, get over it.

Now for my week off. We went to the beach, it was fun, the end. What, more detail?

We stayed at the same beach house we always do, it was our fourth time there. I really had an eerie feeling when we pulled up in the drive, things seemed different somehow. I checked all over the house searching for signs that I had been there before. The not awesome but merely acceptable beach mat was gone from the closet where I left it. Why??? Who would want it? I got it for free at a trade show. It wasn't worth taking but no, it was gone. Vanished.

I searched through the cabinet that held the books for summer reading. The book I left the year before was gone, vanished. Okay whatever, further searching found it at the bottom of the stack pushed to the very back. Impossible, that's The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood, it would never end up unread and shoved aside, clearly something in the house was amiss. I felt the hair stand up on my neck as a chill ran down my spine.

I ran quickly to look in the utility closet where I had left 8 handmade and totally awesome flags for sand castle building. They too were gone. No wait, they were too awesome to resist and I had left them to be used by others. But still I had a feeling the house didn't really want me there.

Later that day after tons of beach fun I was showering. I had that psycho feeling, yaht,yent yat yet. I finished quickly and reached for the towel. It stuck to the towel rack so I tugged it. It resisted so I tugged it harder and the whole damn thing broke right off the wall. So there went our renter's deposit right down the drain.

The house did not want me there. At all.

Later as I was getting ready for bed I walked to my suitcase and was assaulted by an unknown assailant. I didn't know what had even happened until the next day when my husband looked at me with horror written all over his face. There were bruises left on my leg by the unknown assailant. What was happening in this house? Each day more and more bruises appeared as if I had been beaten, but no one was ever in the room when they appeared. Oh the absolute horror! Finally one day I felt a severe leg pain and noticed that the evil,pointed bed post attacked me. Ouch. It had been doing this all week as if it had a score to settle with me. I had to walk around in a swimsuit with my legs looking like this:

none of you people better be looking for cellulite or razor stubble

Anyway yadda yadda , I'm back home where my house wants me, things stay affixed to the wall and the bed has never, ever assaulted me.

37 comments:

Bee said...

FIRST!

Bee said...

FIRST ON YOUR BLOGAVERSARY!!!

Bee said...

HEE HEE HEE!! Sure, uh-huh it was the BED and not stuff going on ON the bed! ;op

Hey It's Di said...

So glad your back! Happy Anniversary!!

Stupid house anyway. Do you think the Cock had something to do with it?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Congratulations on doing a whole year!

Next time, perhaps you should go camping.

Tracy said...

Happy Blogaversary!!!

You've only been blogging one year? It amazes me that some of you like you and Bee have only been blogging a year and you seem so much more advance than me, who has been blogging for three years.

Anywho, I'm glad you're back in your home where it wants you and back on your blog where we want you.

Man you bruise bad! I fell down the stairs twice in one week and had a car door slammed on my thigh in the same spot and didn't bruise like that!
Does it hurt if you poke it?

Sherry/Cherie said...

Happy blog-aversary -- here's to many more.

I'm sorry the house didn't want you -- but I hope you had a relaxing (!) time at the beach anyway...you could get a t-shirt that says "I went to the beach and all I got were these bruises"...

Sarah B. B. said...

Well, when you rent a cottage called "The Twilight Zone," what do you expect? haha Hope you got to have a little bit of fun, maybe, when things weren't attacking you.

Bee said...

Tracy said:
"Does it hurt if you poke it?"

Well?

Ah, the world is right again! You're back, NCS is back I have great hair! I mean uh... something else unselfish.

Jean Knee said...

it does not hurt when you poke it. it feels kinda good uh...

no wait I got confused


That bed was so wicked ya'll my other leg is bruised too just not as bad.
That house is for sale for a mere $600,000, even with a missing towel bar.

Jean Knee said...

di--no way the cock and croc went on a bender and overdosed on coffee,
I'll post a pic later

Tori :) said...

Happy Blogaversary!

That is a nasty bruise!

Lisa said...

Ouch!

Stacey said...

Happy blogiversary!

I wonder if the bed was a relative of my parent's old bed. The corners of that bed always attacked my legs and left bruises like yours. Ow!

Carrot Jello said...

Happy Bloggerversary!
Everyone spells it different. Deal with it.

No Cool Story said...

Happy Blogaversary x1!!!!
WOOO HOOOO!!!! May there be many many more!

No Cool Story said...

Bloghivessarie.

Thats teh correkt espellin.

No Cool Story said...

I just watched a horror movie. It wasn't too horrific nut whatever.
The point is one of the trailers in the disc was for the Amityville Horror.

Coincidence?
Is it coincidence that this particular house of Floriduh didn't want you AND that I watched that trailer just now??
I think not.

Jean Knee said...

there are no coincidences

No Cool Story said...

"It wasn't too horrific nut whatever."

Replace "nut" for "but"

There. Now it's perrfeckt.

Dan said...

Congrats,

Perfectionist mustachios, Intl said...

Replace "but" for "butt"

There. Now it's perfecto.

Adeline's Shabby Cottage said...

Congratulations on your anniversary!!

Good gracious!! You really had a time on vacation!! That leg looks awful!! For Pete's sakes, don't take Brian's advice...you'd kill yourself camping!

:)Brittany

House on Haunted Hill said...

We approve!

House of Frankenstein said...

Me like!

Bee said...

Hi jean knee! Hi!
:o)

wynne said...

Really? Only a year, huh?

Me too.

Except you get a lot more comments than I ever dream of getting. And all you have to do is post "be back later."

Oh well. Some folk have it, and I don't.

wynne said...

(That applies to cocks--and crocs--as well. I have neither. Maybe that's the difference?)

wynne said...

Welcome back anyway. Glad you had a beachy vacation.

"You can always tell you've had a good time if you come home with bruises!" (--me, quote from college)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

You should change your name to Bruiser.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I've been saving up polka dots for one whole year to throw on you for your Blogiversary. Here goes:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::I don't know. I think that's 365. Maybe you should count them to make sure the house didn't somehow steal your polka dots too.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

What??!!!? Freakin Blogger's been into the polka dot stealing scheme too. Scoundrels!
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Millie said...

Ouch. I hope Mr. Knee kissed it better. :)

Millie said...

Happy Bloggiversary!!! (sorry)

Melissa said...

That's a pretty nasty bruise... I'm sorry the house attacked you. Perhaps you should have attacked back with an army of termites...
Happy Blogiversary

heidi said...

happy anniversary! glad you're feeling better! xo heidi

Annie said...

I think I see the Virgen Guadalupe in that bruise.