The Return

TODAY IS MY ONE YEAR BLOG ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not doing anything to celebrate it so if you got all excited about a giveaway or free money sorry, get over it.

Now for my week off. We went to the beach, it was fun, the end. What, more detail?

We stayed at the same beach house we always do, it was our fourth time there. I really had an eerie feeling when we pulled up in the drive, things seemed different somehow. I checked all over the house searching for signs that I had been there before. The not awesome but merely acceptable beach mat was gone from the closet where I left it. Why??? Who would want it? I got it for free at a trade show. It wasn't worth taking but no, it was gone. Vanished.

I searched through the cabinet that held the books for summer reading. The book I left the year before was gone, vanished. Okay whatever, further searching found it at the bottom of the stack pushed to the very back. Impossible, that's The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood, it would never end up unread and shoved aside, clearly something in the house was amiss. I felt the hair stand up on my neck as a chill ran down my spine.

I ran quickly to look in the utility closet where I had left 8 handmade and totally awesome flags for sand castle building. They too were gone. No wait, they were too awesome to resist and I had left them to be used by others. But still I had a feeling the house didn't really want me there.

Later that day after tons of beach fun I was showering. I had that psycho feeling, yaht,yent yat yet. I finished quickly and reached for the towel. It stuck to the towel rack so I tugged it. It resisted so I tugged it harder and the whole damn thing broke right off the wall. So there went our renter's deposit right down the drain.

The house did not want me there. At all.

Later as I was getting ready for bed I walked to my suitcase and was assaulted by an unknown assailant. I didn't know what had even happened until the next day when my husband looked at me with horror written all over his face. There were bruises left on my leg by the unknown assailant. What was happening in this house? Each day more and more bruises appeared as if I had been beaten, but no one was ever in the room when they appeared. Oh the absolute horror! Finally one day I felt a severe leg pain and noticed that the evil,pointed bed post attacked me. Ouch. It had been doing this all week as if it had a score to settle with me. I had to walk around in a swimsuit with my legs looking like this:

none of you people better be looking for cellulite or razor stubble

Anyway yadda yadda , I'm back home where my house wants me, things stay affixed to the wall and the bed has never, ever assaulted me.