Friday, November 30, 2007

Coffee Coffee Coffee

Can you smell it? Mmm mmmmmmmmmm Can you hear it dripping into the pot? pitter pat slosh slog pat pitpittt Do you want some? Me too. There is nothing better than a hot, fresh delicious cup of coffee to start your day. We have a timer on our coffee maker 4000 so it is brewed and ready when we rise in the a.m.

Simple pleasures like this make life sparkle. I start my morning with sparkle and simple coffee pleasure every single day.

Except today. No coffee. No sparkle.. No simple pleasure for me. I need a moment.............................................................................................................................................................................................................

My fun squashing health minded physician Dr. Grim has made coffee forbidden.

Again Johnny,....FORBIDDEN!!!!!!!!!

I may not make it through this day, but I leave you with these delightful images.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Fugitive

I just read through this long boring thing. Don't torture yourself here it is quick:
Penny ran away and took another dog with her and now she's back. Why didn't I just write that to begin with? I don't know but I'm not erasing the long version. Sure it's too long and boring even for me to read, so?

Lean and I are dancin all round the living room with the leopard when da da da dah
the doorbell rings. It's not Avon or those cute Jehovah's Witness girls who used to visit once a month (I know some people may not like being visited by JW's but these girls were delightful, I loved their visits). It's Mrs. "Something I Have since Forgotten". I open the door to a sweet lady, neatly turned out who looks to be in her late 60's early 70's. I look a fright with sticking out all over the place hair and grungy house shoes. She peers around me and sees the hoard which has grown with the addition of Christmas decorations strewn about. The Horror!!

Mrs., "Your dog jumped over the fence and ran off with my dog. Very agile your dog. And I can't find them anywhere."
Me, "the black one?" (duh) Mrs., "yes, the other dog is still back there"
Me, "the dalmatian?" (double duh,).
Apparently she was out walking her dog, Penny saw them, jumped the fence, then ran away with her dog. Her dog wasn't on a leash so she can't sue me ,can she.
I told her Penny usually comes home in a couple hours not to worry.

Well she is worried, very worried. Sends her hub out on a bike yelling for the dog (this guy is old, I don't know how he powers that thing with his old man skinny legs, ), she herself rides all over the neighborhood screaming for her dog. She stops back by about every 20 minutes or so.
Finally Drew is home and takes her under his wing, consoles her, helps her look. He's sweet like that.
Penny is back in the fence this a.m. I stop by their house on the way back from dropping off Lean. Their dog's back, Mrs. had to sleep in from the trauma of the whole thing. well this thing surely went nowhere and is pointless, quit whining, worse things have happened

Monday, November 26, 2007

Put Some Butter On It

Thanksgiving is over and everyone is wondering, "what do I do with all those turkey leftovers?" I have no idea. I come from a food loving southern family and to date we have never actually had any leftovers.

This story begins several weeks ago. I was rummaging around in a kitchen cabinet and saw a little gleam out of the corner of my eye. Huh? There is supposed to be only mismatched Tupperware in there. I dug around and saw it, the waffle maker 4000, used only once a couple of years ago. Something about the way it gleamed in all that plastic gloom made me reclaim what was carelessly tossed aside. (I love run on sentences).

I gently placed it on the counter. It didn't make very good waffles, but maybe I haven't delved deeply enough into it's psyche. Of course the obvious came to me at once. Grilled cheese. It seems like a rather easy thing to prepare, but really I always get hung up on when to turn it, what temperature to put the skillet on etc. The waffle maker 4000 only has one temperature and cooks both sides simultaneously.
I quickly threw together cheese and bread, slathered WM 4000 generously with butter and in about two minutes had a perfectly golden, deliciously checkered grilled cheese sandwich. Yum. Of course the fam smelled it and wanted a taste. Many grilled cheese sandwiches in many days followed suit.

I began cooking everything in the WM 4000. If you slather it with enough butter almost anything you put in there comes out delicious.

Canned biscuits are especially easy and fast. Pull each biscuit apart into half its normal thickness, slather WM 4000 with butter and grill. It will look like a little golden waffle when its done, quickly top it with more butter and jelly. Devour.

You can even make canned meat edible with the proper slathering of butter. MMM

You can put anything between two slices of bread and it will be delectable.
Quesadillas are great in the WM 4000. I haven't fried bacon but it would probably work and not curl up like in the pan.

Just remember to put some butter on it and the possibilities will be endless. Bon Appetit.

* Jean Knee will not accept any responsibility for heart disease caused by her cooking

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

banner made by Sarah

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Crime Spree Continues

I committed yet another crime (remember the plate?). And this time I was caught by the man. I should have known Karma would bite me in the boo-tay for that stolen booty. Yeah that was lame, but it's my blog, I've had a tragic run in with the Law, so if you don't like it bite me.

I picked Lean up from school and passed a state trooper going 64 mph, and, oh yeah it was a 50 mph zone. You know the drill, don't act like you never got a ticket before.
So he hands me my ticket after much shuffling for driver's license and insurance, it being me of course I had neither but- I knew my license number so yippy woo.

Me, " I guess I shouldn't say thank you huh?" my eloquent use of language displayed yet again. Trooper, gave a crooked grin that looked like Jason Bateman but so what; as#hole gave me a ticket, " you have a safe day now". No "have a nice day" for me cause, HELLO, you just gave me a ticket. My nice day is over, but so what you probably have to work on Thanksgiving cause your Jason Bateman grin didn't work with your boss either!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Why I Changed My Blog Template

I changed my blog template because someone feels "Your Orange Template Reminds Me Of The Time I Had Diarrhea At The Florida Orange Juice Festival".

I'm very curious to know just how many of you were reminded of a diarrhea episode after reading my blog. Please take the poll, if you would.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Why I Love Consumerism

Exhibit A: Martha Stewart; domestic goddess, mistress of the mundane, corporate genius, ex-con. My love for her is complete. Who but Martha could take a seemingly easy and innocuous household chore and raise it to excruciating levels of perfection with a 100 step direction guide complete with glossy photos?

Only Martha.

Recently I had to cancel my subscription to Martha Stewart Living because they wanted something like $30.00 to renew. Outrageous!!

If I really need to feel inferior for my household and culinary skills all I have to do is open the front door and allow the entire neighborhood to view my hoard and smell the jumbo Stouffer's frozen entree gently simmering in the microwave. All for free, absolutely no charge whatsoever. Take that Martha Stewart Omnimedia Mega Corporation Conglomerate!!

Ho, hum I really miss Martha though.............

Imagine my surprise and delight when an invitation from Martha herself arrived offering a one year subscription for me and a friend for only $15.00! Wow, just by playing hard to get I now am able to get 24 issues for $15.00 instead of the original 12 issues for $30.00. Who could say no to such savings? Not me, that's for sure. I have the need for debasement just the same as any other homemaker, I just need it at a reduced price.

My slick, Super Christmas issue will arrive any day now. Yessss!

Note: yes all you grounded home economists out there I do realize that 3/4 of the magazine is advertising so they should actually pay me to read it, but whatcha gonna do? It's a free market out there.*

* free excludes tax, surcharge, and assorted dubious fees

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Sunday, November 11, 2007

This Day; Last Year

I check my watch. As usual I'll have to hustle if I'm going to get there on time.
Great, the road's blocked off and the next road is one way. I'll have to take Austin Avenue downtown.

Okay, now look, I'm stuck behind a police car, flashing its lights and moving turtle slow. I fall back to keep a good distance between me and the law. He's moving even slower now if that is even possible. I check my watch. Huff a sigh, fall further back, keep putting along.

I notice a group of older women joyfully waving at me. I wave back. Across the street now a man with three boys all wave and yell as I drive by. Again I wave, these people all must know the wavin guy. I see still more groups waving and brandishing flags... DUH It's Veteran's Day.

I am in the Veteran's Day Parade. Not only in it, but leading it. The police cruiser is clearing the street for the parade to follow. Yikes!
I keep waving, everyone is so enthusiastic. I'm not a veteran, so maybe I shouldn't wave.

Wait a minute, my husband is a veteran. My father and grandfather are both veterans.
I used to march in the Veteran's Day Parade during high school, representing our flag corps. This celebration includes everyone, because everyone, in thousands of known and unknown ways, has been touched by a veteran.

I have as much right as anyone else to wave in this parade. I have this right because soldiers, both present and past, have served to endow me and every person here this right.

No, I won't allow this opportunity to pass me by. I putter and wave and don't once check the time.

I'm late picking Lean up from pre-school. I grab her hand and we run down Austin Ave. We become part of the crowd and now I'm an onlooker, waving, smiling, and honoring.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Jean Knee Goes to the Glamarama

The hair that made children, okay child, cry. Yesterday it was truly terrifying after the beautician had it all spiked and gelled. Today I have tamed it. Note: yes one side is shaved and one side is long, it's asymmetrical. and oh yeah it looks kewl spiked but it is humid and windy today so, sorry only boring waves.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

This Just In.....


Father Al Gore was beaten within an inch of his green lovin life by that villain, Global Warming see more here

Brothers and sisters this is an outrage!! We must come together as a people and show our love and support of Al Gore by watching him on 30 rock while noshing tacos, and then reusing the wrappers as toilet paper! We must support him before global warming knocks his lights out for good.

Thank you. That is all.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

The Day of the Dead

It's my first time celebrating The Day of the Dead. I've tried to talk the family unit into celebrating with me before but they were reluctant. This year I sweetened the pot. I began my seduction by decorating skeletons and placing them around the house. I added a colorful skull garland and began talking up fiestas, dead people and fun. Who could resist?

Carmen Miranda skeleton, Mardi Gras skeleton, Don King skeleton

.. .. . . . . . . . . . . dapper thirties style skeletons

...... . . . . . . . . . . . vintage inspired skeletons

....... . . . . . . . . . . . .skull banner

In the spirit of celebrating Dia de los Muertos we decided to eat at a local Mexican food chain (can't give the name because of the crime that ensued). We told the waiter we were in a hurry because we were going to the Day Of The Dead celebration. We ordered. Waited, waited, and waited. Finally got our food but no silver ware. Waited and waited for it. They got my order wrong I requested they fix it. Wait some more. They are out of part of it, will bring when cooked. Never happened. Waited and waited and waited. One of our party never got their order at all (a one year old so I guess they thought it didn't matter). Ask for check, request carry out box, repeat we are in a hurry, poor service has made us miss an hour already. Wait, wait.... Pay check, still no box. We need to leave fast if we are making it at all.

Well, there is no way I am leaving my $10.00 meal behind. The waiter better hustle his mass, we've explained the time restriction several times now. Okay, times up, we are leaving, I'm taking my meal, I have no choice but to take the whole plate with me. This slow poke has now forced me into a life of crime. I am outraged! it is a nice plate though.

I will probably never recover from the stress of the whole debacle!!!! People were probably staring and pointing. I expected to hear sirens pursuing me at any second!!

Somehow I recovered and enjoyed the celebration very much. There was dancing, mask making, food and frolics. The decorations were outstanding.
I will absolutely be celebrating again next year, minus my crime spree.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

The Good, the Bad, and the Ancient

Who just said that? Was that you Brian??? No, this is not a post about Mother Teresa,,Bee,,and Jean Knee. The outrage!! I am not ancient! The other two are correct however.

Candy-fest 2007 has, sadly, come to an end. The only thing left to console myself with is, well, candy. Remember NCS posted about bad candy; dum dums and those peanut butter caramels, and I will have to add candy corn to that list,ewww.
Good candy- snickers, anything chocolate, more chocolate.

I now have to add a new category to that; the ancient. Oh my! Trick or treating was uneventful, just the usual: ring doorbell, get candy, be reminded by your mom,again, to say thank you....... the usual.

Once we got back home Lean tore into her candy and told me she just ate a chocolate egg and showed me half, it was one of those snicker egg things. MMMM I love those, hope there's another one for mee..mmm..... Wait a minute, I'm ejected from my chocolate daydreams as a rather abrupt and shocking thought permeates my candy smitten brain. Isn't that an Easter candy??? Why would that be in there????
Someone gave my Lean an ancient, unwanted Easter treat from the linty bottom of a junk drawer. The Horror"
My rational part knows that candy isn't likely to rot because it is made of mostly sugar. But my mom brain is thinking ewwww my kid can't eat rotten candy!!

Of course, I dig around to make sure no more affronts to good taste are present(pun intended) and sure enough I find an Easter tootsie roll. The bunny must have been extra generous at some one's house, but please, you don't have to share your rejects, really.
Further excavation reveals a Santa Claus chocolate and a heart shaped sponge bob morsel. Three major Holidays here, none of which are Halloween. Who did this and why? If candy hasn't been eaten within a month after the actual holiday throw it away people. Just...let...go. If you have no fresh candy give out quarters or turn out your light.
Just....let....go...there is hope for you, see your doctor. Don't let this happen again.