Friday, April 30, 2010


I wore my hair curly, in that medusa snake style. I did feel like someone else. Or at least someone who looks different; therefore not the person that made the blunder.

I did stay in the dugout the whole time, away from the other fans. I was asked by the dugout mother to help her out since she was in a codeine induced stupor (toothache). She laughed at all my insane blabbering which tells me I should only talk to stoned people. They get me in a way sober people just can't.

I finally glanced over to the bleachers. There she was. Fake Grama-sister, Gracie's real mother sitting on the bottom row. And oh my gack she now has strawberry blond hair. Obviously I hadn't wrecked her self esteem. In fact I probably nudged her to have that youthful hair re-do make over. I provided a service here people. I knew it would all work out.

Do you suppose she knew I was the medusa woman? One of the girls on the team didn't recognize me and I talk to her at every game.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Why Do I Even Speak?

My daughter had a softball game last night. The usual parents were there, but wait there was someone new. She was talking to Gracie and looked just like Gracie's mom Sally. So of course she must be Gracie's grandmother, right.? Sure. Nice to have grandparents come to games, the girls get so excited.

This was another long game where we were getting creamed but the last inning was finally on.The end is near, yesss. Anything to make things move along, idle chit chat perhaps? So I go ahead and tell Sally that I thought her mom was her when I first saw her. There was an awkward moment of silence as the two women looked at each other. then this happened:

Sally: "Oh, she's not my mom."

oh crap no, it must be her older sister so I say quickly to try to cover my blunder

JeanKnee: "oh you two must be sisters then :)"

Another horrid moment of dead silence while the fact that I mistook a sister for a mother sank in. then:

Sally: "uh ,,,we're uh....... I guess we are uh friends......"

Fake-grama-sister: " I'm Gracie's real mom" (making Sally Gracie's step mom--I knew they were a blended family but come on)

JeanKnee: "oh I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking."

fake-grama sister: "I've really got to do something about these gray hairs.."

Sally: " uhb ,dub, dub look at that catch, go gators!"

Here is the part of the story where I usually say something even more stupid to cover up , but not this time. Instead I jumped off the bleachers and ran around to the dugout as far from them as I could get. Oh myyyy gawwwwd. what an absolute rude and evil moron I must have seemed.

Let me make sure you got it all, I'm not re-telling it well. Sally is married to Gracie's real Dad and together they have Gracie and two younger boys.Fake-grama-sister just came to see the game and Sally is very nice and sat by her. Really it must be hard going to see your daughter play a game and then your ex-husband and his new wife are there. Yeah kind of hard. And them some loon thinks you are the new wife's mother. Oh the degradation. The pain I must have caused that poor thing.

Really though when I analyze it further isn't it really Sally's husband's fault for marrying and having children with two women who look alike but are different ages??? It is so all his fault, the idiot.

Thinking even more in depth led me to the realization that we should all wear name tags at these events. The hello my name is type things but instead of your name it says "hi I am Gracie's stepmom" or "hi I am Gracie's biological father."
These things would work particularly well at weddings and family reunions so you don't slip and say something rude about a person to his sister and so on.

What do you think is wrong with me?

Thursday, April 1, 2010


There's a dead kangaroo on the side of the road,
does anyone wish it was Nancy Pelosi?

I wrote this poem after seeing an actual dead kangaroo on the side of the road.

I know.