Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Why Do I Even Speak?

My daughter had a softball game last night. The usual parents were there, but wait there was someone new. She was talking to Gracie and looked just like Gracie's mom Sally. So of course she must be Gracie's grandmother, right.? Sure. Nice to have grandparents come to games, the girls get so excited.

This was another long game where we were getting creamed but the last inning was finally on.The end is near, yesss. Anything to make things move along, idle chit chat perhaps? So I go ahead and tell Sally that I thought her mom was her when I first saw her. There was an awkward moment of silence as the two women looked at each other. then this happened:

Sally: "Oh, she's not my mom."

oh crap no, it must be her older sister so I say quickly to try to cover my blunder

JeanKnee: "oh you two must be sisters then :)"

Another horrid moment of dead silence while the fact that I mistook a sister for a mother sank in. then:

Sally: "uh ,,,we're uh....... I guess we are uh friends......"

Fake-grama-sister: " I'm Gracie's real mom" (making Sally Gracie's step mom--I knew they were a blended family but come on)

JeanKnee: "oh I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking."

fake-grama sister: "I've really got to do something about these gray hairs.."

Sally: " uhb ,dub, dub look at that catch, go gators!"

Here is the part of the story where I usually say something even more stupid to cover up , but not this time. Instead I jumped off the bleachers and ran around to the dugout as far from them as I could get. Oh myyyy gawwwwd. what an absolute rude and evil moron I must have seemed.

Let me make sure you got it all, I'm not re-telling it well. Sally is married to Gracie's real Dad and together they have Gracie and two younger boys.Fake-grama-sister just came to see the game and Sally is very nice and sat by her. Really it must be hard going to see your daughter play a game and then your ex-husband and his new wife are there. Yeah kind of hard. And them some loon thinks you are the new wife's mother. Oh the degradation. The pain I must have caused that poor thing.

Really though when I analyze it further isn't it really Sally's husband's fault for marrying and having children with two women who look alike but are different ages??? It is so all his fault, the idiot.

Thinking even more in depth led me to the realization that we should all wear name tags at these events. The hello my name is type things but instead of your name it says "hi I am Gracie's stepmom" or "hi I am Gracie's biological father."
These things would work particularly well at weddings and family reunions so you don't slip and say something rude about a person to his sister and so on.

What do you think is wrong with me?


Windsor Grace said...

Definitely the husband's fault.

Stacey said...

I blame the hubby too.

Nametags should be a must-have. I bet a lot of people have made the same mistake with them.

Brian o vretanos said...

I'm completely confused, which is probably why I can't stand soap operas. Is Gracie's long lost cousin who's brother is really her biological father, though he is now married to her cousin's mother's twin sister* going to appear in tomorrow's installment?

*She's not an identical twin, but she does look identical to Gracie's great grandmother's third cousin's granddaughter, and is in fact her (Gracie's great grandmother's third cousin's granddaughter's) half sister due to a mix-up at their local sperm bank.

Jean Knee said...

that's exactly right Brian, what do you mean you're confused?

ReformingGeek said...


I wouldn't feel too bad. The women IS older that Sally. How were you supposed to know the relationship?

Yeah, blame the husband. What a turd.

Jean Knee said...

I knew I wasn't at fault, ya'll
it's always the husband's fault isn't it?


This made me laugh...and empathize....and then recoil in horror at the memory of all the many times I've done the same exact thing.

Bee said...

JEAN KNEE! You are my most favorite person in the whole wide world!

I blame them for not having a sense of humor cuz I would have said this

"::snicker:: you know what's funny, jean knee? I nailed Gracie's dad first! What do you think of that?" and then I would have walked away to leave you thinking.

Sorry it took me so long to get here, jean knee. I was looking for something in Andy's pants.

Klin said...

It's the ex-wife's fault for letting her self go.....this is a hilar story. The dugout is a safe place.

Super Happy Girl said...

Their fault. They need to wear t-shirts explaining who they are (with an easy-to-read chart printed on the back.)
You have more important things in your mind than to worry about who goes with what.

Dave said...

I like the run away approach. gives them a great ending to the story to tell on their blogs too.