Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Fo Paw

One day soon I will probably be beaten up by the elderly. I'm always clashing with them, who knows why. Here's a fun story that happened yesterday.

Perfect day for a pee wee football team, cool but just barely. My little girl is a cheerleader this year and it was our first game, yes!! Things were moving along; boys running around, girls yelling. Then my friend Dara walked over to see a baby in a stroller. It took a second I swear and then this hag bellowed out "YOU"RE IN MY WAY!!!!" so rudely. Dara said she was just crossing over to see the baby, okay she was sorry. It was one second that she was in front of the bellowing hag. So then she walked over to stand by me. I stood behind her and in my loudest hag bellowing voice screamed at her "YOU"RE IN MY WAY!!!!!" She snorted and said to me quietly "you're so bad" to which I said "I know". Ha, just let some old rude hag yell at my friend !

A few minutes later Dara walks over by the hag. The hag talks to her a minute and says "I'll see you at home" . Once again foot in mouth. It turns out it was her mother in law I was heckling.

In the end she thought it was funny so really all was well.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Bless Me, Father

There is an awesome candy store called It's Sugar. WoW
It is full of every candy you could ever imagine. mmmmm
I walked around that store in pure heaven. Looking, looking, not wanting to buy just any old thing. Then I spied them. Satellite Wafers. I see them in magazines all the time but I've never seen any in a store. I grabbed them quick.

They always look so cute and adorable, just like mini flying saucers. Perfect for a space party, would look cute on cupcakes, put them in a candy bar...on and on. And now, they were mine. I eagerly read all the important package information...made in Belgium; two wafers filled with colored ball candy ; cute little sunshine on the package. Ahhhhh, Satellite Wafers.

I opened the package and took a look. Well. Interesting, they looked just like communion wafers. I shook it and could hear the little balls rolling around inside. Still looks just like a communion wafer. Wonder if it tastes like a communion wafer? Hmmm I never can handle those things well. I know you're not supposed to chew them because who would chew Jesus? Usually the communion wafer sticks to the roof of my mouth because I don't dare chew it. Then it stays up in there for rest of the service.

I decided to just go for it and popped it into my mouth where it instantly stuck to the roof of my mouth. Ohhh but it was okay because since this wasn't a communion wafer I could chew it. I kinda chewed around on it and then the balls rushed out. I ate another and I swear I felt free of sin almost instantly. Who Knew?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Friday, September 4, 2009

You've Got to Fight For Your Right to Polka Dots

I haven't read the constitution since civics class in eleventh grade but I'm pretty sure it promised me life, liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. Making my kid happy makes me happy. My kid wants polka dots: therefore Polka Dots = Happiness. Love the logic. So easy and so, well, logical.

Tomorrow is Lean's birthday party. She wanted a bowling party , check. Then last week she decides she wants pink and white polka dots as her party theme. It was last minute but I love me some polka dots and that little girl has my heart. To be sure everything is a go I went to the bowling alley and asked if I could bring my own plates and decorations with polka dots. The party coordinator said yes I could but I would be charged the same amount as if I were using their decorations. Kind of a rip off but it's polka dots, ya know? So I agreed. She was helpful and nice and helped me plan out the type of party I wanted. She told me to bring my decorations the day before so she would have them. Got It.

Don't got it. I called today and told the asst. manager, (let's just drop the t, shall we? it'll be more accurate) I had my party supplies could I drop them off? " Absolutely not, you can not bring in any outside items except for the cake", said the ass manager? WHAT?

JK:I was told that I could bring my own decorations because my daughter wanted Polka Dots.

ass manager: we provide everything, you can't bring your own things

JK: I have already purchased all the items and they can not be returned, I am using them at the party.

ass: Who told you you could bring them?

JK: the girl who set my party up

ass: she is the party coordinator she can't make that decision

JK: Can I speak to the manager please?

ass: the manager is not here, I am the ass manager and I am telling you NO YOU CAN"T DO THAT ( some other garbled stuff I don't remember because my blood was boiling making me lose partial hearing)

Now you all know that when confronted by adversaries I usually stand with my mouth agape unable to speak from shock. Not today. We are talking about Polka Dots.

JK: NO LISTEN TO ME ........ other loud stuff I don't remember because of my hearing loss due to rage. We went back and forth for a while. She finally told me I could call the manager tomorrow at 9:30.

So I call Drew on the phone and ask him to go put ass in her place--he can stay more focused and calm than I can. He tried, he failed. My gawwd what a woman. Ass called the party coordinator at home because she didn't believe us. Still she would not see reason.

Soooooo. The manager is calling us at 5:00 to try to resolve the matter. In the meantime I have the number of the corporate office on speed dial. If worse comes to worst we will move the party and Drew volunteered to stand in the parking lot with a sign saying the party has moved.

to be continued,............

Wednesday, September 2, 2009