Monday, May 11, 2009

Shoe Evolution

Everyone has one right? Someone they look to for guidance and insight. A mentor, a muse, a morpher.

I have a problem, it's a very serial one. I only like men's shoes. It wouldn't be that much of a problem except they don't come in a size small enough to fit me. No the boy's department won't work, believe me I've tried, the styles are not the same, they are just too juvenile. I like men's shoes. I found these super awesome men's thongs on sale at Kohls a couple of years ago. For awhile they totally worked for me. When I trimmed my woman stache I felt the power of the shoes guiding my hand.
But finally I bent to pressures to buy a more womanly shoe. At a total loss I turned to the afore mentioned muse, Bee. She has thousands of shoes so I channeled her while I went shoe shopping. The only problem was I kept having an urge to run out and drink mojitos. It was so distracting that I just grabbed some woman shoes and left. Anyway they ended up being ugly, although feminine--come on they have a 2" heel. I wore them a few times but really I never liked them at all. Bee was all excited for me but I just couldn't do it. I like men's shoes. Sorry Bee. Last week I decided I must have some new summer shoes. Not from the men's department but absolutely no heel or other girly attribute. I looked at every shoe in the woman's department, hating each and every one of them until I found just the right ones. The Ones, people. Here they are. Some of you may point out that they are rather like my man thongs but you'd be wrong, so wrong. Look at all that curly detailing and blue lined interior; all woman. No it doesn't matter that they don't show when worn, I know they are there.

This post dedicated to my shoe muse Bee. And yeah mojitos are pretty good but look at those awful woman things they made me buy.


Brian o vretanos said...


The other option would be a foot transplant to get bigger feet.

Or possibly soak the ones you've got in that Miracle Gro stuff.

Or shrink the shoes by washing them.

ReformingGeek said...

At least you weren't shopping in the children's department.

Why don't just borrow shoes from Al?

No Cool Story said...


So you are some sort of crazy shoevolutionary! You know how to party Jean Knee!

Jean Knee= Business on top, party on her feet.

Bee said...

I approve!

Sorry it took me so long to get here but I was channeling you so I was with my cock.

Bee said...

Don't listen to Brian about the foot transplant. My friend Larry had it done and it went so horribly wrong so now he's living in the woods.

You may have heard of him, they call him Big Foot.

Sad story.

Jean Knee said...

you guys didn't even call me cross dressing slang names

that is so sweet

aubrey said...

yum. mojitos.

Men Sandals vs Women shoes said...


No Cool Story said...

Jean Knee & the Shoevolution!!!

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

I was starting to worry about you because you kept saying that you were shopping for a new "shoe" in the singular form. I was starting to worry that you had somehow lost your other foot or something.
I like your new woman thongs! In fact, I like them so much that I would like to go and get myself a pair.
That wouldn't be too crazy right? I mean, the chances of you, who lives in Texas, and I, who lives in West Virginia, are going to show up in the same place wearing the same shoes right?

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

And I am now an Eleventholutionary!!

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

Someone needs to tell Brian that comments like his are the reason they had to put warnings on the side of Miracle Gro containers stating: This product is to be used on plants only. Do not feed or apply Miracle Gro to children, pets, or small feet.
Or something like that.
But seriously, I read that all of the crazy warnings you see on stuff like the one on Miracle Gro have to be put on there after someone tries those things.
I think someone was trying to make their short little nerd boy into a basketball playing superstar.

Native American Momma said...

Wow, I have a tenancy to get boy looking girl shoes, sketchers seems to be my vice.

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