I walk in the mornings now. Sometimes Polka Dot , Penny, Drew or Lean come with me. This morning I was on my own. Alone. Walking , day dreaming, thinking my own thoughts. Kinda nice.
As I turned into a new street I saw I picked up a straggler. Big Balls. He's a golden retriever with the biggest balls I have ever seen. They are enormous, and jiggly. He walked in front of me and all I could do was focus on his balls. Rude I know, but if you saw these things you wouldn't be able to take your eyes off them. Then that song by AC/DC started going through my mind. Over and over while I focused on the big balls of Big Balls. They kind of squish out his backside one at a time because they won't both fit at the same time. They kind of swish swish back and forth. Almost in time to the music going through my head. Then I started thinking how if you hung him from the ceiling you could use those things as punching bags. Big Balls probably wouldn't like it much. Swish swish, "I've got big balls..." I was home before I knew it, time flies while watching jiggly bits.
But you know what, usually by the end of my walk I'm thinking of stuff that needs to be done: Laundry, filthy dishes.... Only today I was singing in my head to the beat of swish swish.
What tune do you have going through your head right now?
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Suicide is Painless
It is so broilingly, miserably hot here. It's been between 104 and 107. Yesterday my dog Penny did a curious thing. She sat in the middle of the yard, under a cloudless sky, in temperatures over 100. Not to mention the fact that she is a black lab. She absorbs any tiny bit of sun instantly. I put her in the shade of our back porch, poor thing must have been delirious.
Later I see she is back in the middle of the yard. I put her back on the porch. Moments later she is back in the sun. I take her some ice to cool off, she won't take it so I open her mouth and shove it in. She let it fall to the ground...thud. What's going on here?
Drew thinks she's trying to commit suicide. At first I just laughed , but then I started to think maybe she is trying to off herself. I mean if you're a dog your options are pretty limited. No access to guns or pills, can't suck on your car's tail pipe. I suppose you could drown in your dog bowl if there's enough water. Why else would she keep doing such a dumb ass thing?
I remember my brother's Oscar jumped out of his bowl and dried out on the floor. And what about the countless birds and squirrels that throw themselves into my car when they see me coming. Mere accidents or something else? It could be all part of the animal conspiracy but does that really make sense?
As far as I know I haven't caused any humans to try and buy the farm.
Later I see she is back in the middle of the yard. I put her back on the porch. Moments later she is back in the sun. I take her some ice to cool off, she won't take it so I open her mouth and shove it in. She let it fall to the ground...thud. What's going on here?
Drew thinks she's trying to commit suicide. At first I just laughed , but then I started to think maybe she is trying to off herself. I mean if you're a dog your options are pretty limited. No access to guns or pills, can't suck on your car's tail pipe. I suppose you could drown in your dog bowl if there's enough water. Why else would she keep doing such a dumb ass thing?
I remember my brother's Oscar jumped out of his bowl and dried out on the floor. And what about the countless birds and squirrels that throw themselves into my car when they see me coming. Mere accidents or something else? It could be all part of the animal conspiracy but does that really make sense?
As far as I know I haven't caused any humans to try and buy the farm.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
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