Saturday, January 24, 2009

SkateWorld: Land of Paradise

Lean went to a skating party this afternoon. She was pretty nervous because she's never been skating. My secret plan was to don skates myself and help her around the rink. I had to wear a pair of Drew's socks because my inheritance is getting a bit shabby for public appearances.

Ahhh, I remember skating in Jr. High. The best was when they played Dream Weaver and dimmed the lights and flashed colored lights around. "OOOOH dream weaver, I believe you can get me through the nig-hight."

I was a little apprehensive because, well let's face it, forty something is not the best age for skating. But hey, I remember the fast skaters always watched out for the young or coordination challenged. All will be well.

I look out at the crowd and my word, all bets were off. Those tweens were going at least 50 MPR out there. I don't know what they've done to the new skates but I could barely follow their laps around. Plus they were trying to trip each other and push each other into the wall. And no one did anything about it. It looked like an episode of Roller Derby without protective pads and helmet. All plans of reliving my glory days and showing Lean the ropes were dashed. DASHED.

I decided to order a cup of hot chocolate to calm my nerves, but wow the counter girl didn't know how to make it. She had to get the manager, the manager walked her through it, ten minutes have now passed, my gawd just stir the powder in some hot water how stinkin hard can that be?? She finally started trying to stir it but it didn't mix up because, hello, the water wasn't hot. She puts it in the microwave, styrofoam cup and all and no way I'm drinking that poisoned mess of chemicals so I just leave. Lean has been calling me, the girl is never gonna get it right and twenty minutes of my important life are gone ..just...like...that.

There was some delicious chocolate frosted cookie cake that was yum. No forks but hey I stuffed it on in with no incidents. mmm

The rest of the time was pretty mundane just taking Lean around. As we were leaving one of the fathers gave be the old hairy eyeball, even turned around twice to check me out. Maybe no re-captured youth but, baby I still got it.

I checked myself in my car mirror and I had a HUGE smear of chocolate frosting on one side of my lips. Oh the horror!! No one even told me.

It still could have been my hawtness he was checking out, you don't know.

36 comments:

Brian o vretanos said...

FIRST!!!!!!

Brian o vretanos said...

I last went skating over 15 years ago. It must be difficult to learn to do the really complicated stuff (like not falling over), since you can't easily get a whole ice rink to yourself.

The last time I did anything on ice was curling in Canada, and that was a lot of fun...

Jean Knee said...

uhm, yeah this was roller skating. sorry for my unclearness

Brian o vretanos said...

Yes, I should have wondered what "Roller Derby" was. My excuse is that it's late and I'm tired...

Do they have figure roller skating competitions?

Jean Knee said...

no but there was this one 65 year old man doing some flowing type skating out there. He went backwards and slowly spun around, amazing

Bee said...

Of course it was your hotness!!

Sorry I was late jean knee but my house is full of babies.

No Cool Story said...

Sorry I was late jean knee but my house is full of malls.

Maddy said...

Oh yes......likewise with both the skating and the smear = just typical.
Cheers

No Cool Story said...

I'd like to dedicate this song to a very special lady:
Featuring some sweet hair and cool fashion.

No Cool Story said...

"No way I'm drinking that poisoned mess of chemicals"

What's safer: Peanut Butter filled cookies or microwaved-styrofoam-cup chocolate?

Jean Knee said...

oh man, did you see Gary Wright's chest hair? sweeet

it was just like being at the skating rink again except I was at home not wearing skates- awwwww
I blushed


Also, here's something curious: Slutcrackhore was listed on the same page- not sure if that's a band or the name of a song

HenrĂ­ said...

I can't even skate.

I can't even ice skate.

*Le sigh*

No Cool Story said...

That guy's chest was sure hairy and sweet. Gary Wright you are one manly man.

I didn't even notice slutcrackhore. What is a slu tcra crhore anyways?

Jean Knee said...

I guess it's the name of the dude that posted some videos

I hate to show my ignorance this way

Bee said...

I was invited by slutcrackhore to listen to some tunes and bring my momma. How nice. I think I'll bring some lemonade too.

Jean Knee said...

lemonade? that's not code for something nasty is it?

Lemonade Swingers said...

Bring it baby!

Jean Knee said...

I'm right near the delete button if this goes south.






that's what she said

guy who gave you the old hairy eyeball said...

Lemonade and chocolate, my favorite.

Jean Knee said...

ewww

Styrofoam Cup said...

HEY! I am people too.

Dan said...

I think he was looking at your fudge filled face and laughing at you.

Jean Knee said...

you're pretty quick today Dan

Products said...

I am not empty, I am just shy.

Like the guy staring at your your fudge filled face and quitely laughing at you

Hot Pocket Fashionista said...

Hot Pocket Dojo feature skating rink now. We line walls with flattened hot pocket boxes and cover ceiling with reflective aluminum cooking sleeves. It make disco ball very shiny. Very purdy. Very hungry, hungry for Hot Pocket-making.

Hot Pocket Fashionista said...

You need eat more Hot Pockets Jean Knee!!!!!!

Guaranteed to add extra layer of padding to your rear end to absorb skating rink mishaps better.

Hot Pocket Fashionista said...

Hot Pocket Fashionista design fancy line of Hot Pocket logo skating wear just for good friend, Jean Knee.

Spandex & Lycra make good sausage casing material for Jean Knee. Maybe add some sequins and fringe like the design me had for prospective Hot Pocket spokeswoman Tanya Tucker before she turned us down.

Hmmm, me no want her sadsack rendition of Delta Dawn in my Hot Pocket Skating Rink anyway!!! Only want Helen Redding in her tight Pete's Dragon gingham shirts to sing it.

Hot Pocket Fashionista said...

Delta Dawn what's that flower you have on........

Me think is stink flower judging from smell.

Oh, who me kidding? Delta Dawn make me cry big fat tears as plentiful and as runny as my Hot Pocket cheese filling.

Hot Pocket Fashionista said...

Hot Pocket Fashionista is woman......hear me ROAR!!!

Hot Pocket Fashionista said...

Gary Wright also sing "Our Love Is Alive."

People forget that and it makes me so sad.

Crap. Here comes those big runny cheese filling tears again.

Jean Knee said...

I must confess, I didn't even know who Gary Wright was before this post :(

hows that for sadness

Gary Wright said...

My heart is broken.
I shall never sing again.

Tracys Ramblings said...

I used to go roller skating every weekend when I was in junior high and maybe even as a freshman. I rocked. I could do all of the fancy skating, too. Backwards, limbo, fast skate.
The only difference was, my slow songs were usually things like New Kids On The Block "Please Don't Go Girl".
There was nothing like slow skating around the rink with this hot guy (who at the time was like 14), holding on to his sweaty hand and making laps around the rink.
Ahh, memories.

Jean Knee said...

Gary,
I still love Dream Weaver and your manly chest hair. don't be sad

Hey It's Di said...

You seriously just brought back some fond memories. Dream Weaver and skating...we must have been at the same place!! OK, maybe not but I am thinking we are the same age for sure;)

I think he was looking at your hotness and wanting to lick off that frosting smear!

Jean Knee said...

Diana, yes we're the same age that's why I'm always calling you old