Thursday, October 30, 2008

This is No Joking Matter

Today at campaign headquarters this inflammatory picture depicting decapitated and plucked chickens was sent via email. It was titled "Four Chicks in a Hot Tub".

Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo has been sequestered while Secret Service agents and FBI officials determine whether this is a death threat. Mr.CDD is reportedly resting and in good spirits.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

My Cock Sucker Has a Broken Pecker...And I Didn't Even Notice

Since I began blogging I have sent and received some amazing gifts. Bacon mints, fake boogers., lovely jewelry, funny cards, even my own pet. Recently I was opening a most awesome package and look what I found:

That's right, a fun rooster candy maker. My thoughts exactly. How much fun will it be to make candy look like Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo? Sweeeet. I unwrapped another cute package and found a rooster lolly already made! While admiring this confectionery masterpiece--look at those details people-- I noticed a professional looking tag:

Well, the words cock sucker jumped right off the page. See, my innocent pure mind never once thought cock sucker. SNOOORT. hee hee. Loved it.

So of course I emailed this artist extraordinaire my thanks and eternal admiration. She emailed back that she was sorry his pecker broke off. Huh, wha??His pecker? Oh geez I looked his nether regions over- everything seemed to be intact. Of course there was no pecker.
Boy, did I feel silly. Indeed, my cock sucker did have a broken pecker. I was just looking in the wrong place.

Wow. I know.

I may be selling cock suckers in my shop soon, shall I put you down for three?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Blogging Without Obligation

Sure it sounds good. Writing what you want when you want to write it. Well, I want to write stuff, now. Except I don't have anything to write about. NOTHING. Ever.
Here are some possible posts that I rejected this week:
"Why My Agoraphobia is More Fun Than Tooth Decay"
"I Like My Religion Like I like My Men, Fast and Faster"
"My Cock Sucker Has a Broken Pecker"-- and I didn't even notice
"Your Dog Made Me Late so Now You Have to Take My Kid to School"
"What I Want to be for Halloween"

So, which was the most intriguing, and why?
I'll try again tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Adventure at Walmart

Wow. There are plenty of women's clothes here and, yes, George is a popular brand. Hmm. they're not bad, affordable. Wait, I'd still have to try them on. Or I could just purchase them and return the rejects. Naaaaa. Then I'd have to come back and stand in line.. Best to keep moving.

Minutes later I plop my wares on the conveyor belt: candy bar, Halloween banner, cupcake picks, corn dogs, soda. Say hi to cashier in a totally bland, non emotion showing tone. While watching my purchases add up I notice corn dogs on there twice. I say, blandly again, "Did you scan the corn dogs twice?" The cashier AKA Pollyanna Deathstar lilts " I sure did!!! :) :)
and I took one off !!! :) :)

(aren't you just so adorable, I could eat you up! Yes I could!! With a side of slaw and an extra sharp toothpick!! )

I stand there bland as oatmeal. Pollyanna Deathstar: " I'm sooo sorry you're having a bad day!!! :( Look here at the receipt, I scanned the corn dogs twice and then I took one off!! :)
I just look at her totally benign and non emotional again. Say nothing whatsoever.
Pollyanna Deathstar: "Ohhhh, I hope your day gets better !!! :)

I know I should have told her to Bite Me but I was stunned. I tell you she was good, really good. Put me in my place and made me bitter all by using her patented, sugar coated, Pollyanna Deathstar monologue. It's a gift.

Here is a cinquain I wrote in her honor:

Sweet, sincere,
Grinning, leering, deceiving,
Makes me want to heave,

Thursday, October 2, 2008


I will now be selling wooden arrows for children in my ETSY shop. Thank You