This is No Joking Matter

Today at campaign headquarters this inflammatory picture depicting decapitated and plucked chickens was sent via email. It was titled "Four Chicks in a Hot Tub".

Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo has been sequestered while Secret Service agents and FBI officials determine whether this is a death threat. Mr.CDD is reportedly resting and in good spirits.

Wordless Wednesday: Friends and Family Turn Out to Support Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo at Yesterday's Rally

My Cock Sucker Has a Broken Pecker...And I Didn't Even Notice

Since I began blogging I have sent and received some amazing gifts. Bacon mints, fake boogers., lovely jewelry, funny cards, even my own pet. Recently I was opening a most awesome package and look what I found:

That's right, a fun rooster candy maker. My thoughts exactly. How much fun will it be to make candy look like Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo? Sweeeet. I unwrapped another cute package and found a rooster lolly already made! While admiring this confectionery masterpiece--look at those details people-- I noticed a professional looking tag:

Well, the words cock sucker jumped right off the page. See, my innocent pure mind never once thought cock sucker. SNOOORT. hee hee. Loved it.

So of course I emailed this artist extraordinaire my thanks and eternal admiration. She emailed back that she was sorry his pecker broke off. Huh, wha??His pecker? Oh geez I looked his nether regions over- everything seemed to be intact. Of course there was no pecker.

Boy, did I feel silly. Indeed, my cock sucker did have a broken pecker. I was just looking in the wrong place.

Wow. I know.

I may be selling cock suckers in my shop soon, shall I put you down for three?

Blogging Without Obligation

Sure it sounds good. Writing what you want when you want to write it. Well, I want to write stuff, now. Except I don't have anything to write about. NOTHING. Ever.

Here are some possible posts that I rejected this week:

"Why My Agoraphobia is More Fun Than Tooth Decay"

"I Like My Religion Like I like My Men, Fast and Faster"

"My Cock Sucker Has a Broken Pecker"-- and I didn't even notice

"Your Dog Made Me Late so Now You Have to Take My Kid to School"

"What I Want to be for Halloween"

So, which was the most intriguing, and why?

I'll try again tomorrow.

Wordless Wednesday: Historic Item in use, Baby!

Adventure at Walmart

Wow. There are plenty of women's clothes here and, yes, George is a popular brand. Hmm. they're not bad, affordable. Wait, I'd still have to try them on. Or I could just purchase them and return the rejects. Naaaaa. Then I'd have to come back and stand in line.. Best to keep moving.

Minutes later I plop my wares on the conveyor belt: candy bar, Halloween banner, cupcake picks, corn dogs, soda. Say hi to cashier in a totally bland, non emotion showing tone. While watching my purchases add up I notice corn dogs on there twice. I say, blandly again, "Did you scan the corn dogs twice?" The cashier AKA Pollyanna Deathstar lilts " I sure did!!! :) :)
and I took one off !!! :) :)

(aren't you just so adorable, I could eat you up! Yes I could!! With a side of slaw and an extra sharp toothpick!! )

I stand there bland as oatmeal. Pollyanna Deathstar: " I'm sooo sorry you're having a bad day!!! :( Look here at the receipt, I scanned the corn dogs twice and then I took one off!! :)
I just look at her totally benign and non emotional again. Say nothing whatsoever.
Pollyanna Deathstar: "Ohhhh, I hope your day gets better !!! :)

I know I should have told her to Bite Me but I was stunned. I tell you she was good, really good. Put me in my place and made me bitter all by using her patented, sugar coated, Pollyanna Deathstar monologue. It's a gift.

Here is a cinquain I wrote in her honor:

Pollyanna.

Sweet, sincere,

Grinning, leering, deceiving,

Makes me want to heave,

Asswipe.

PSA

I will now be selling wooden arrows for children in my ETSY shop. Thank You

Wordless Wednesday: Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery ?