Saturday, February 9, 2008
You've heard it before, they don't make things like they used to. There's something about vintage items, their charm, their history, their sheen.
Circa 1988, Jean Knee, a recent college grad, ready to embrace the world, rise to any challenge.Funds were short, the new career wouldn't begin for three months. Limbo.
So I got a job at a popular department store as a customer service rep. Fancy, no? No. It meant light accounting, paper work and consoling inconsolable customers. Fine , fine.
I was "encouraged " to wear a dress, woman shoes and, most abominable of all, panty hose.
Grandma, and her credit card to the rescue , had me all set with a suit dress that could be paired with other separates to give me a working girl's wardrobe. I heard that , pervs. As an extra special addition Grandma had a stash of nylons left in pristine, still packaged condition from her pre-retirement days. These babies were of a shimmery taupe that was no longer a avilable for purchase, anywhere. Oh, these vintage pearls gave me the extra polish I needed to pull my look together, and there were six packages. S..I..X.
So I'm at the job waiting on a particularly snarly (rhymes with gnarly, it was the 80's, baby!) lady and feeling the pressure when a feeling of gentle release overcame me. Was it flatulence, Jean Knee? Unfortunately, no. The ancient elastic of the luxurious vintage panty hose had, well, failed. I could feel them bunched around my ankles. I was cool though, since I was behind a counter I just stepped out of them and excused myself. Once in the john I thought of dashing out and purchasing a new pair of nylons from the store. At $6.00 a pair this was just not acceptable, I could buy a pair at the supermarket for $1.89. I could go bare legged, but my 'non-woman shoe' wearing feet would not slip into woman shoes minus the requisite nylons. I decide to wear the nylon panty hose and put my underwear on over them to hold them up. Fabulous! I'm back out on the floor in a flash.
Except the elastic was really, really gone now. I could feel those deviant nylons inching down my legs out of their confinement, getting closer and closer to my knees. They were stretching and pulling and at any second the waistband would be appearing below my hemline looking like deflated elephant ears. I tried to be very still to buy some time. And then my shift was over.
Posted by Jean Knee at 6:40 PM