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Cracked glasses as modeled by Pinkie Pie Pony

left lense is cracked, looks like hair
(that will be the lense on yer right)

So we're sitting on the couch this a.m. and Lean says, "Can we eat pie for breakfast? just this once? please, please, please!" I'm thinking, pie, for breakfast? Why not. I cut her a small slice and she eats it while I brush her hair--torture for both of us usually but pie makes it seem not so bad. Of course she wants another piece and I say, "okay, after you get dressed. I'll get dressed too and the winner gets to lick the spoon."

I rush into the bathroom, jump in jeans and pull an over sized sweatshirt on over my night gown. I'm just gonna drop her off, no one will see me. Then I don my glasses with the crack, no time for contacts if I'm gonna lick that spoon!
And I'm back, Lean won so I carve her another slice of pie. This is not the first time the pie has been used for ill gotten gain. Yesterday I lured her home from her friend's house with pie because I missed her. Never use pie as a tool for bribery, Karma will get you.

We're ready early now and don't have to rush. Driving along chatting each other up when a car turning left pulls out in front of me!!! I let out an expletive....are you ready for this one... DUMMY!!
We crash, Lean keeps asking again and again, "Who's the dummy you or her, who's the dummy you or her?....................until I finally clue into what she's saying. So many things I could have yelled: asswipe,dumb ass, butt munch (thanks for that one Bee) but no, I yell DUMMY. It's almost embarassing.

I jump out to see if everyone's okay- check. The driver is a very shaken up 17 year old girl. "I didn't see you, I didn't see you, (some other stuff I don't remember, I was just hoping my nightgown wasn't hanging out the bottom of my sweatshirt).
"Oh my gawd your glasses are broken!!" It's okay, they were already broken, it's okay. I'm always so helpful and comforting in these situations.

We sit in our cars and wait, many questions from Lean, "is the car broken? Who's the dummy...., Is this gonna cost a lot to fix-will we still get to go out to eat on Thursday? Who's the dummy you or her? Why do we have to wait for the police I thought they only caught robbers, what's insurance, who's the dummy........"
The girl's dad arrives checks things out asks me questions on and on. The thing is, he has these really kewl sunglasses on and I want to ask him where he got them, but suspect that wouldn't be appropriate.

Police come an hour later, ask if I cracked my glasses-no I'm just a dumbass too cheap to get new ones yada yada.
Everyone agrees it's just an accident, the girl was late for school and didn't use caution, thank god no one's hurt.

But I really know it was the pie eating that caused all this. I used pie for bargaining and to hell with a healthy breakfast. You have an attitude like that and pie Karma will get you each and every time.

Evil Use of Pie =