Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Untitled


Cracked glasses as modeled by Pinkie Pie Pony

left lense is cracked, looks like hair
(that will be the lense on yer right)


So we're sitting on the couch this a.m. and Lean says, "Can we eat pie for breakfast? just this once? please, please, please!" I'm thinking, pie, for breakfast? Why not. I cut her a small slice and she eats it while I brush her hair--torture for both of us usually but pie makes it seem not so bad. Of course she wants another piece and I say, "okay, after you get dressed. I'll get dressed too and the winner gets to lick the spoon."

I rush into the bathroom, jump in jeans and pull an over sized sweatshirt on over my night gown. I'm just gonna drop her off, no one will see me. Then I don my glasses with the crack, no time for contacts if I'm gonna lick that spoon!
And I'm back, Lean won so I carve her another slice of pie. This is not the first time the pie has been used for ill gotten gain. Yesterday I lured her home from her friend's house with pie because I missed her. Never use pie as a tool for bribery, Karma will get you.

We're ready early now and don't have to rush. Driving along chatting each other up when a car turning left pulls out in front of me!!! I let out an expletive....are you ready for this one... DUMMY!!
We crash, Lean keeps asking again and again, "Who's the dummy you or her, who's the dummy you or her?....................until I finally clue into what she's saying. So many things I could have yelled: asswipe,dumb ass, butt munch (thanks for that one Bee) but no, I yell DUMMY. It's almost embarassing.

I jump out to see if everyone's okay- check. The driver is a very shaken up 17 year old girl. "I didn't see you, I didn't see you, (some other stuff I don't remember, I was just hoping my nightgown wasn't hanging out the bottom of my sweatshirt).
"Oh my gawd your glasses are broken!!" It's okay, they were already broken, it's okay. I'm always so helpful and comforting in these situations.

We sit in our cars and wait, many questions from Lean, "is the car broken? Who's the dummy...., Is this gonna cost a lot to fix-will we still get to go out to eat on Thursday? Who's the dummy you or her? Why do we have to wait for the police I thought they only caught robbers, what's insurance, who's the dummy........"
The girl's dad arrives checks things out asks me questions on and on. The thing is, he has these really kewl sunglasses on and I want to ask him where he got them, but suspect that wouldn't be appropriate.

Police come an hour later, ask if I cracked my glasses-no I'm just a dumbass too cheap to get new ones yada yada.
Everyone agrees it's just an accident, the girl was late for school and didn't use caution, thank god no one's hurt.

But I really know it was the pie eating that caused all this. I used pie for bargaining and to hell with a healthy breakfast. You have an attitude like that and pie Karma will get you each and every time.

Evil Use of Pie =


38 comments:

Brian o Vretanos said...

F I R S T!


!
!
!

Brian o Vretanos said...

I'm glad everyone survived the cake. And the crash.

Sounds like a very involved procedure for a minor accident - The police don't have to be called here unless someone's hurt.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Thanks for the tip off, by the way.

Jean Knee said...

it was pie. I don't know if the same thing happens with cake

Jean Knee said...

you could try it out and let us know

Tori :) said...

I wanna see a picture of your glasses. :)
I let my kids eat cake all the time for breakfast...

Bee said...

First, I'm glad you and the little one are okay.

Bee said...

First, I think we should say somehting creative when we;re first.

Bee said...

First, you're welcome for butt munch.

Bee said...

First, LET'S PLAY A GAME OF...

Bee said...

ELEVENTH!! FIRST!!

Bee said...

That pie looks yummolicious!

Brian o Vretanos said...

It looks like cake to me, but then I'm not an expert on sweets. When you said "pie" I thought you meant something savoury like steak and kidney.

No Cool Story said...

Next time take Cat Rabbit with you.
He looks like an excellent lawyer.

Not that you need one, but he'd make you look less...um...unfortunate, what wiht the glasses and all that.

No Cool Story said...

But really, I'm glad everyone was ok.

So, who is the dummy?

Dan said...

glad to hear you guys are OK, at least the crash gave you some blog material.

B said...

Why doesn't Brian know the difference between cake and pie? And did anyone ever see your nightgown under your sweatshirt? I'm glad no one got hurt, too, but who IS the dummy? You know what, my kidlet turns 17 in a couple of weeks and she's learning to drive and will soon get her license. This story scares me!

Jean Knee said...

b, Brian is British and they call things by different names, ya know the chips-crisps thing

it could have been bad, I was going 55-60 but had my brakes on and just nipped the end of her car.

I remember you posted about your daughter and hub driving. let her get as much practice as she can

Jean Knee said...

We still have some pie, should I risk eating it or throw it away ASAP?

B said...

Eat the pie before you're tempted to use it as bribery again! lol

Melissa said...

OH crap... I ate brownies for breakfast... what does that mean for me??

Klin said...

I had Krispy Kreme's on hand this morning. So far so good. I think I'll knock on wood, just to be safe.

So glad everyone was okay. That dent doesn't look too good with your car. I hope it doesn't take too long to fix.

You should earn brownie (or pie) points for NOT swearing. I'm pretty sure I would have. No, I'm certain I would have.

Jean Knee said...

It's okay to eat that stuff if you don't use it as bribery.

dummies of amerikah said...

we approve of boty you and the dummy!

or just you!

Tracy said...

You know what would have made me feel better after I crashed my car? Pie.
I think you should be very proud of your control by calling that dummy a dummy. When that old lady pulled out in front of me and I smacked into her, I had a lot of explaining to do with the girls while we waited for the cops.
Things like "What's a sonofabitch?" Atleast I didn't throw any f bombs.
I'm glad to hear that you all are ok. I know that's scary.

Jean Knee said...

Yes, that's the scary thing, I didn't use coarse language. I'm losing my edge

No Cool Story said...

For a minute I thought you had lost your Peter Pan hair.

Than I figured out that's juts some pony.
Pinkie Pie Pony to be exact.

Jean Knee said...

I like your ears. cat rabbit thinks they should be longer

Adeline's Shabby Cottage said...

Glad you and L were ok! Way to go .....no bad language. No way would I have made it through that one w/no foul language!!

:)Brittany

Lisa said...

Boo! Sorry for the accident, but glad everyone is okay.

So I wonder what Lean went to school talking about? Pie for breakfast? The car accident she was in? The foul language her mother used during the accident?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I smell a lawsuit with Jean Knee winning big for pain and suffering.

Funny, lawsuits smell like pie.....delicious pie!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Oh, Jean Knee, I'm so glad you survived. I'm kind of busy right now and I don't have time to drive a couple hours up north to beat the crap out of a crappy teenage driver.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

She hit you because she was listening to that stupid azz Dave Matthews song, 'Crash Into Me' and she wss like, okay, I think I Will!

Bee said...

jean knee, you look allot pinker than I remember. Is it the lack of sunning weather or are you having side effects from the accident?

Stacey said...

I'm glad no one was hurt!

That pie looks nummers.

Millie said...

Oh, no!!!! Pie, we thought you were our friend...

(wait - we did?)

Carrot Jello said...

You even make a crash hilarious. Glad you're okay.

Bee Serious said...

I've always said pie is a hazzard to your health.
Seriously.