Try Not To Blanche at This One

Yes, I've finally turned into an older woman. Not just any older woman either, my great aunt Blanche to be precise. Aunt Blanche's habits and appearance match her name perfectly. Women of her time were of the soft and mannerly type. Aunt Blanche WAS NOT.


We children loved to visit Aunt Blanche- or Auntie as we called her. Only at Auntie's house could you stand upright in an extra tall trash can while she sprayed you full blast with the water hose. Better yet, eventually the can filled up and you got to slosh around in it. Auntie declared the public swimming pool to be unhygienic, she was a nurse you see.


Being a nurse in her day was very prestigious and carried with it a certain dignity and poise

Unfortunately, Auntie was not well practiced at the gentler ways of life. Auntie did, however, have a nice, roomy bosom. It was here that she ferreted her powder puff, billfold, hanky, and anything else she might need for the day.


Many clerks were simply unable to meet her gaze after seeing Auntie digging around to retrieve her billfold. There was nothing stealthy about her actions, she dug right in and when finished she shoved it right back. Then came a period of much adjustment until things sat just right. You couldn't tell by looking that Auntie carried a stock pile of womanly doo dads under her dress. We children loved to watch this since our own mother carried only her ta tas in her brassiere.


Which brings me to my adventure at Typhoon Lagoon. Yes, I "jumped into a tropical paradise where thrill seekers and chill seekers hit the waves".


Our first stop was the wave pool, touted as one of the world's largest. YES! We wade out to a perfect spot halfway into the wave pool and assume our positions; me standing and picking at a loose nail, Drew holding Lean and grinning big. The bell goes off and an enormous wall of water hurtles towards us. I blink to attention- are'nt these things usually more wave like? This big boy looks like the wave from that devastating tsunami footage. Uh- Oh


Kapow, Batman we are blasted most of the way back to shore. One strap of my swim suit is ripped off my shoulder---wardrobe malfunction my ass, Janet. It takes a tsunami to rip a boob out. We tumble on, stand up, adjust ourselves and gape. Then wounds from elbows to the chin and feet torn free of skin begin to painfully assert themselves-ouch.


And my word, where are my sunglasses? Ripped right off my face. We search and rescue. Discuss how violent that tsunami wave was & run out to do it again.


We assume our positions, but wait, what about my sunglasses? I can't reach shore before being assaulted by another wave. No time to think, I shove them down the front of my bathing suit where they stick out a mile and look ready to fall. It seems I don't quite have the bosom my beloved Auntie possessed. I quickly shove them farther down to my tummy area.


Tsunami hits, smashing, bashing, tumbling me. But my sunglasses are safe. All because I learned the lessons taught by an older generation. I have now joined the ranks of older women who stash things in their bosoms. Auntie would be proud.

Farewell Friends

Gonna be gone for a week. Haven't been away from ya'll since I started this. I may have to sneak Hub's lap top.

Wordless Wednesday; what happened to the last cupcake???

CUPCAKE MANIA

this is my swap package from Nikki http://whimsy-girl.blogspot.com look at all that awesome stuff!! all for meeee. Thank You nikki I love everything!! How do you like the cupcake all framed up? no you can't have it back. I'm savin the pin wheel picks for a special cupcake occasion. Nikki even put my middle name, glue drip, right on the adress label. Nikki don't look at the bottom of this post til you get your package. Look awayyy nowww



That's right this post is so sugary sweet you'll be diabetic by the end. Got my cupcake package in the mail from my partner Nikki. Well of course we had to make cupcakes ASAP. These were stirred by us, no robots were used.

This is a pic of choco-vanilla cupcakes with kitschy little flower toppers sent by Nikki
These are assorted little bite size cupcakes all decorated by Lean
this one is my favorite- yes I ate it already
this was Lean's favorite- yep she ate it

I LOVE CUPCAKES - here's some more stuff to raise your sugar level




CUPCAKE COLORING PAGE--WOW!!!!!!!!

CLICK HERE FOR A CUPCAKE GAME- THE FUN NEVER STOPS

http://http//www.poetry4kids.com/modules.php?name=Games&op=display_game&game=Cupcakes

buddhist poem #227 (cupcake incident) by: W.B. Keckler

oh i tried to coexist

but when I ate half of a chocolate cupcake

with Elmo on top of it

before realizing it had hundreds of ants

inside who had been trying to turn it into a Frank Gehry structure of some sort

(o tiny they had infiltrated the sealed plastic

ix pack container & remained invisible) I lost all sense of mindfulness

exiled the cat to Elba and sprayed

poison all over every surface

and thought of the hieronymus bosch ant hell

in my stomach and got mad

at the Buddha for thinking the predator

prey thing is controllable but later

felt bad for realizing i abused power

they were not the predator i was

i could have just thrown the cupcakes outside (i did) without mass murder and sealed things better

but you laughed at me for this quixotic shit

and theresa said with self-abuse that good

you should just ask this buddha guy

to be your boyfriend

sponsored by Megachemcorp, maker's of fine pork insulin

swap stuff from me to Nikki http://whimsy-girl.blogspot.com swap stuff wrapped up

Non-Magnanimous Malapropisms

Now say that ten times fast

Fun stuff to say when you feel like driving fellow humans crazy. Maybe
1. At work: tell everyone you heard (insert co worker's name here) masticating in the rest room.
2. tell a teenage boy he's a homo sapiens
3. Tell Bill Clinton Hillary said he's omnipotent in bed
4. tell your dentist you thought floss was the thong type underwear your hubby favors
5. tell a thirteen year old drama queen she's a real thespian

Now tell me one:

Nature Lover

Sweet nature, oh how we love yee. Yes it surrounds us here in semi-rural Texas. We need go no further than our porch to luxuriate in a little bit of nature luvin.
From buzzing wasps in the eaves,

to hop toads in the dog food, around every corner is a new delight.

Spiders clog our drains, but hey they eat scorpians so we gotta leave them there

our flower garden growing bright, and how about that prize winning tomato plant (I am a farmer's daughter you know...I've got the wheat to prove it)


The barn swallows are my favorite. This is our second batch this year. Larry, Moe ,Curly, and Shemp. I love seeing my swallows darting all around, gobbling up skeeters, doing loop-da-loops in the air. I love my barn swallows best, and they love me best too, here's the proof:

Just look at what they left for me this morning.

Wordless Wednesday.... first kiss