What happens when you are full of candy each and every day since Halloween? Besides the inevitable butt spread I'm left feeling a bit sluggish. Sugar highs lead to crashing lows. With no caffeine to boost me along I need to get moving, stir the blood pooled in my nether regions from constant blogging.
During the summer I used to pull the weeds out of our lawn. It doesn't sound like much but we have an over sized yard filled with Johnson grass. Those weeds grow tall and their roots are deep. You have to give them quite a tug to get them out. I've yanked a thousand Johnsons at least.
Now with the Holidays in full swing, I need some extra energy. I need a new exercise regimen. What to do.
It can't be anything that seems like exercise. My body has a unique survival instinct whereas if I move too vigorously and produce even a drop of perspiration, my whole system shuts off supplies of energy and shoots them straight to storage facilities in the butttox, leaving me drained and unable to remain in an upright position.
So I need to sneak some extra movement into my day. Dear readers do you have any tips for me? What do you do to add a bit more movement into your day?
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ReplyDelete^^^^^^^^^^
"I've yanked a thousand Johnsons at least."
ReplyDeleteBWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I didn't know you were so open about it!
khrmm...
ReplyDeleteHOW'S ABOUT A LITTLE SOMETHIN SOMETHIN IN THE NETHER REGIONS??
There goes your G rating!
Adiós G rating!!
ReplyDeleteAdiós para siempre adios...
That post is bad, it looks like those bad guys who tie the damsels to the railroad tracks.
I don't know what a Johnson looks like, but I hope I never ever have to yank one.
ReplyDeleteOk ok advice.
ReplyDeleteIntroduce Penny to some random neighborhood dog.
Unleash her.
Extra movement!
Extra movement... um... well, sometimes I stretch... or ... um... yawn a little more. Sometimes I shift my weight from one butt cheek to the other or maybe cross my feet... yeah... I got nothing. One thing that I did enjoy a long time ago was swimming. Something you can take at your own pace, but always a work out because of the resistance the water has as you move through it... or something like that... maybe you should visit Elastic's Dollar General... sounds like that place would get you moving... good luck!
ReplyDeleteA long time ago I saw the Bruce Lee story where he had these wires on his body that gave him electric charges. I think it was to strengthen his muscles. You can try that... although he did die but I'm sure that was because of his curse.
ReplyDeleteJEAN KNEE!!! WHERE ARE YOU????
ReplyDeleteDid you know we make jelly beans out of reindeer spit??
ReplyDeleteWe need a few words with you.
ReplyDeletePlease call our offices.
well, shifting from one butt cheek to another sounds good as well as the electrode thing...
ReplyDeleteDon't worry NCS Johnson grass doesn't grow as far north as you are, no yanking required
*SNICKER*
ReplyDeleteOK, I'm glad you're done with coffee but now we need to work on the sugar.
Oh, who are we kidding? Miss Cupcake Queen is giving you sugar advice?
I'd say, go for walks but don't be all anal about it, like, changing your clothes for it or taking along a pedometer or checking your heart rate... just go outside and walk around. If you want, you can run like Phoebe sometimes.
if I ran like phoebe the neighbors might start thinking I'm weird
ReplyDeleteLet me know if you get my email...
ReplyDeleteOh the horror!!!!
ReplyDeleteliterally!!!!!
10 minute Pilates DVD. I love it! I can do anything for 10 minutes. Or run up and down stairs. Park far away from the store entrances.
ReplyDeleteAside from regular trips to get ice and water from the fridge I have nothing to add. I did bust up laughing about your yanking a thousand Johnsons. Those were definitely not visions of sugarplums dancing in my head1 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
ReplyDeleteAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Get a treadmill that generates power and plug your computer into it. If you stop running the computer goes off and you lose everything you were doing. Watch the pounds fall off.
ReplyDeleteI prefer to be called "Gentle Reader" as opposed to "Dear."
ReplyDeleteHMPH
I'll be writing to Miss Manners about you shortly.
I just got a letter from the HOA yesterday about the weeds in my shrub planter, jean knee. Will you come to my house and clean up my bush??!!?
ReplyDeleteI saw the nasty thing...too late and I corrupted Bee with it too.
ReplyDeleteI like spreading Holiday cheer (not Christmas cheer, Holiday cheer)
I have never in my 35hundred years seen anything ore disgusting!
ReplyDeleteCome share some of my yummy ice cream...
ReplyDeleteOh no. I don't want to know. I really really really don't.
ReplyDeleteI know .005% about it and that's waaaay too much.
:P
NCS and anyone else who reads this
ReplyDeletedo not watch it, ever
Having your head lopped off will take care of ten pounds, pretty much immediately. And you'll never have to worry about being active again.
ReplyDeleteI am so not ever.
ReplyDeleteDon't say the title either JK...horrible. I only watched one of those "reaction videos", before I knew. And I don't.
So anyway, what's up with you?
Father Al may make the cover of People magazine for their most influential or interesting or fabulous list. I can't remember the title, once I heard his name i went into a swoon.
ReplyDeleteI know he'll win. I ..just...know..it
Back in my day we didn't use no stinkin cup. Self-serve right from the source.
ReplyDeleteJust like that Poison CD title
ReplyDeleteOpen up and say AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Large Marge knows all about them mullet-headed Poison boys. She did the Unskinny Bop with one of them during a wild night in the velvet groupie room at The Regal Beagle.
::BLECH!!:: Right from the source open up and say "ahhh"!
ReplyDelete:o{
okay now enough of the cup. Let's focus on my silly use of the word Johnson. haaww ha ha hawwww
ReplyDeleteno more cup
yanking johnsons--haa haawww ha ha ha hawww
cup=bad
johnson yanking= funny, hee heee
jean knee you Johnson yanker!
ReplyDelete:{
ReplyDeleteS-T-O-P!!! In the name of love!
before you break my heart...
jean knee, we're looking for you to come pet us.
ReplyDeleteDon't stop believin'
ReplyDeleteJean Knee!
*Thanks for your support*
Jean Knee, it's a trick!!!
ReplyDeleteBurritos iz fur eatin, not pettin.
I'm not sure marge, those donkeys really like getting pet
ReplyDeletethey don't look too tasty, although if you hit one with your big rig you shouldn't let it go to waste
coming soon, a totally clean post about one of my many mishaps.
ReplyDeleteafter reading all the comments, I clean forgot what the post was about. except that it was a bad one and had johnsons in it.
ReplyDeleteExtra energy...let me know when you find it! I would say add lots of caffeine to that sugar high and get yourself a two year old. That keeps me on my toes. Until 8:00 p.m. anyway. :)
ReplyDelete